Nightmare Football

This season, its not called fantasy football. It's called Nightmare Football.

I had waited 8 months for fantasy football to come back. I was the two-time champion looking to defend my crown as champion. I have always considered myself a saavy fantasy coach. I was ready this year. I had done my research and looked to the draft eager to go.

And then the draft came - fifth pick overall. Top four RB's are already gone. Stephen Jackson, Portis, Gore - all still on the board. But who do I pick? The #1 fantasy scorer from last year, Mr. Tom Brady. Thank you Tom, for your 8 minutes of greatness this season. Fast forward to seven rounds later - I need a third receiver, and I just found the perfect one..... Nate Burleson, the only receiver left on the Seahawks. Burleson's first game of the season - 5 receptions for 60 yards and one TD. Then he goes and tears his ACL.



Two of my first eight picks are lost for the entire season. That's 25% of my top 8 picks rendered useless. I was left scrambling. I started making trade offers to everyone in my league.

I decided to put up my 4th round draft pick, Dallas Clark (I know what you're thinking...."Dallas Clark should not be a 4th round pick," but I stand by it. He is good for 10 TDs when he's healthy.) Somehow, I was able to trade Dallas Clark for Steve Smith. But I still had no quarterback. Right now, I am rocking John Kitna (sprained knee) and Carson Palmer (inexplicably missed last week's game, giving me ZERO points).

So it's coming up on week 5, and I am 0-4 on the season with a league low 174 points. My starting lineup?

Kitna/Palmer (whichever one is playing the worse opponent)
Maurice Drew (only one double digit scoring game this year)
Jamal Lewis (ditto - I'll be surprised if he breaks 100 yards in a game this year)
Santonio Holmes (for some reason Hines Ward is getting all the targets, especially in the red zone)
Jerrico Cotchery (probably my best player, even though he completely disappeared in half the games)
Steve Smith (I really hope last week is a sign of things to come)
John Carlson (The only receiver in Seattle - but he's a TE and now he's being double covered)
Giants D (I just traded for them [Matt Cassel and Anthony Fassano for Palmer and Giants D] and this will be their first week in action)
Ryan Longwell (Top 3 ranked kicked in the NFL. My best player is my kicker! Woo!)

My bench?
Sproles (I have been praying for LT to break an ankle)
Matt Jones (I should probably be starting him over Holmes)
Sammy Morris (The Patriots go-to back in the red zone...it's too bad they rarely are going to get there this year)
Bo Scaife (Actually a popular target considering he's a second-string TE on a running football team)
Patriots D and Broncos D (I know....three defenses on my team...what the hell am I thinking, right?)


So that's my team. I mean, they really aren't that bad on paper. My starting lineup is respectable. But none of them are performing. NONE of them. No consistency whatsoever. I haven't even cracked 70 points yet.

This is why it's not fantasy football - it's Nightmare Football. I don't even like Sundays anymore. I have NFL Season Ticket on Direct TV, but all it does is piss me off. I can't stand Hines Ward getting all the targets, or Darren Sproles getting 6 touches a game, or John Kitna throwing 3 INTs in garbage time. It is taking too much out of me. I am on the verge of quitting.



But writing this blog entry helped. Maybe I need to get away from sports for a while. I'm going to start blogging about other things. Too much stress in sports.

I hope all of you have better fantasy teams than me. And if you do (and I'm sure you all do), I don't want to hear about it. Only a month till NBA fantasy starts!

90210

When I was in 6th grade, my family hired a live-in nanny to help with me and my brothers. My mom was getting back to work so she needed someone to help out around the house. So we hired Simone. She was a red-headed German, probably in her late 20s, and she had an absolutely terrible, terrible lisp. She sounded like Tom from 'Tom and Jerry,' but if Tom had a German accent.



Anyways, Simone was obsessed with 90210. She had every episode on taped on VHS. Before Simone, I didn't know who Brian Austin Green was. But thanks to Simone, not only did I learn who Brian Austin Green was, but I wanted to be him. I'm not joking. I was fucking obsessed with Brian Austin Green. I thought he was the raddest, most badass dude on the show. Hell, I thought if he and Luke Perry got in a fight, that Green would kick his ass. Sounds ludicrous, right? I mean, Dylan was the biggest badass on the show, but here I am, thinking David Silver could beat the hell out of Dylan McKay.

So anyways, 90210 is back, and I'm watching. No surprise there. With the 'OC' off the air and 'The Hills' sucking dong, 90210 is my new guilty pleasure.

In the first 5 minutes of the season premiere, one of the dudes was getting down with some chick in front of school in the front seat of his car. So in the first five minutes, I knew it was going to be a helluva series.

So far, it's covered just about every plot twist imaginable - cheating couples, drug use, unknown children, the pressure to lose your virginity, overbearing mothers, baby daddy drama, rumors on the internet, adoption issues, and cheating on tests. I mean, it's all there.

And I am love. I have a new obsession. But this time, it's with a girl. Fitting, I know.



This is Silver. She is smoking hot. She's Brian Austin Green's step-sister on the show, so I guess that's fate or something.

But she is gorgeous. And on the show, she's a blogger. I'm a blogger too!

Need more fate? Listen to this -

Jessica Stroup (who plays Silver) looks just like Megan Fox.
Megan Fox is engaged to Brian Austin Green.

Fate is a funny thing....

THE DAY HAS COME!!!

I have been waiting for two months for something good enough to blog about. That day is today.

My beloved Lions have FINALLY parted ways with Matt Millen. After a 31-84 record and 8 miserable seasons, the anti-Christ has left the arena.

Millen may have the dubious honor of being the only GM to provoke chants of firing at not just Lions games, but Pistons, Red Wings, and U. of Michigan games. The chants "Fire Millen" could be heard in just about every area in Detroit. Hell, even the Detriot Shock have their 7 fans screaming to fire Millen.



Millen, who in his first three seasons failed to win any road games, became the GM with no managerial experience at all. That should have been the first red flag.

Joey Harrington......Charles Rogers.......Mike Williams ------- talk about first-round busts. They stuck with Harrington way too long. They made no big moves in the trade or free agent market. And don't even get me started on last season's epic collapse after starting 6-2 and finishing up the season 1-7.

And did any of you watch the Broncos game last weekend? Boss Bailey was all over the fucking field! In fact, he was the best Bailey on the field (better than his brother, Champ). How the hell did Millen let Bailey leave last year? What the fuck! He let our second-best linebacker just walk out the door.

So long Millen! I hope you tear your ACL walking to your car.

Little hiatus...

I have been in Paris the last few days, so the blog will have to be updated when i get back.

I can safely say the people here are smelly, but the weather is beautiful and the food is amazing. We havent stopped eating since we got here.

All I can say for now is that Brad Guzan officially signed for Aston Villa. I reported on this long ago...

I self-promote like Kanyeezy

Posted a few months ago, but nobody read the blog back then (as opposed to the dozens that read it now....).

This guy gives the "Are you drunk ref?!" whole new meaning...

A referee in Belarus was claiming he had back pain during the match, but after the game tests at the hospital confirmed that he was just drunk. Look at the way he pushes away the physio as he tries to help him off the field - that's priceless. Apparently there was a rumor going around saying US Soccer would hire him to work MLS matches.

I can say those rumors are false, because the truth is the CCAA has hired him to work men's soccer games. A great hire by all accounts!

So long Richie Sucks-son

The Mariners finally released Richie Sexson today after three and a half years of underachievement and frustration. The one bright spot of Sexson's time with the M's was when he charged the mound and flung his helmet at Rangers pitcher Kason Gabbard for a pitch that wasn't even close to hitting him.

I remember before 2005 when the M's picked up Sexson and Adrian Beltre. Sexson had hit 45 homers two seasons before and Beltre was coming off finishing second in the NL MVP race. I thought we were on the road for greatness.

Sexon's first year was a success - he hit.263 and had 39 home runs. The next year, his batting average dipped, but he still managed 34 homers. But last year was just plain embarrassing. Sexson hit a meager .205 and only managed 21 homers. He was terrible. He was so bad, the M's benched him at the end of the seaso, citing an 'injury'.

In the last 3 1/2 years, Sexson has struck out 24% of the time he is at the plate...that is just terrible. He was simply trying to hard to impress the fans, who booed him every time he stepped to the plate. Seattle isn't known for having mean fans, but Sexson brought out the worst in them.

I think Sexson and Beltre rubbed off on each other. They both came in highly touted, and both failed to reach their expectations. Beltre hit 48 home runs with the Dodgers in 2004. Since he joined the M's the next year, he has hit 19, 25, 26 and 16 this year. His batting average has also never even come close to the .334 he hit in '04. The highest he's hit since - .276.

What the hell happened? Were they drinking toilet water for 3 years? Did they spend their offseason watching Gina Davis movies and eating Bon Bons? The M's have been one of the most tragic sports stories of the decade. In 2001, they weren't expected to be a contender. They had just got rid of A-Rod and their team was filled with mostly average players. So what did that team end up doing? They set an American League record for wins with 119 and had eight All-Stars, including AL MVP and Rookie of the Year Ichiro (.350 in his first season!!!!). Good things were to come....right?

So what's happened since then? Nothing - they haven't been to the postseason since. Seven years of agony for Mariners fans. And last year, when they finished above .500 for the first time since 2003, everyone thought this would be the year they get back to the playoffs......now they are on pace to lose 100 games and becoming the first team to do so with a $100 million roster. Ichiro is hovering at .300 and their star pitcher is on the DL.



Getting rid of Sexson had to be done. The fans gave up on him long ago. Beltre may be the next to go, because of his huge contract, even thought he's leading the team in home runs with 16. The average age of the Mariners players is 30.3 years old - the oldest team in the AL West and fourth-oldest in the AL. It's time to get rid of Raul Ibanez, Jose Vidro, Kenji Jojhima and Jarrod Washburn. Even though Ichiro is 34, he could play until he's 40 and he's got one of the best arms in the league.

Because of the Mariners' shortcomings year after year, I have become less and less of a baseball fan. It's hard to watch baseball when your team is unbearable to watch. If it wasn't for Ichiro, I would have given up on the sport of baseball all together. Every year I have become less and less of a fan...I think the fans in Seattle are starting to feel the same way.