I guess I couldn't wait...

I stupidly ended my last blog post with the words, 'In N Out'. So what do you think the next thing I did was? Type 'In N Out' into google and see what popped up. Of course, the Wikipedia entry pops up and I spend 30 fucking minutes clicking on every picture and memorizing the 'secret menu'.

I couldn't handle it. Normally for my lunch breaks at work, I go to the basement and eat whatever the chef shit that morning. But not today. Today, I was on the quest for American cuisine. And how do you spell 'American cuisine' in England?

M-c-D-o-n-a-l-d-s.



Instead of my three-flight walk downstairs, I put on my jacket and headed out the front door to make the trek to food heaven. I got out the door and realized it was sunny and hot out. Shit, maybe I should turn around....What the hell am I thinking? I need to get to McDonalds.

Five blocks later, I arrived at the happiest place on Earth (if 'under Scarlett Johansson's shirt' didn't exist). I walked in to no line and three cashiers staring at me. I panicked. Holy crap. Which one do I go to? What the fuck do I order? Where's the dollar menu? Oh that's right, here they call it the Pound Saver menu...

After 24 minutes of staring at the menu, I walked up to the register, still having no idea what I was going to order.

I blurt out "Two double cheeseburgers. One small fry."

Uh-oh. What next? THINK MARCUS, THINK!!

"Chocolate milkshake."

She looks at her manager, looks back at me and says, "Sorry sir, the machine is..." and she makes the finger-slicing-the-throat gesture.

This almost sends me into an epileptic seizure. I look back at the menu. Two gentleman in suits are standing behind me. They look hungry. One is in a pink shirt and smells like lady's perfume. He'll probably order a salad. Pansy.

"McFlurry. Does that machine work?"

It does. And I am satisfied. It comes out to £4.85. Nevermind that £4.85 comes out to almost $10 American.

Needless to say, the meal is delicious. I waste no time, undressing the wrapper to the cheeseburger like I would a prom date in the car before dropping her off at her parents house after the party.

Halfway through my five walks back to work, it hits me. I'm reminded of how I never eat McDonalds. It's terrible stuff really. I have also had almost no dark meat since I have been in London. Oh crap. I don't think I am going to make it back to work....

Unfortunately, three stomach cramps later, I make it back to work.

I feel the burger in my stomach. Right now. As I'm typing this. It feels like I swallowed a ball of Play-Doh.

The thought of In N Out doesn't seem so appealing anymore.

I need a beer.