Nightmare Football

This season, its not called fantasy football. It's called Nightmare Football.

I had waited 8 months for fantasy football to come back. I was the two-time champion looking to defend my crown as champion. I have always considered myself a saavy fantasy coach. I was ready this year. I had done my research and looked to the draft eager to go.

And then the draft came - fifth pick overall. Top four RB's are already gone. Stephen Jackson, Portis, Gore - all still on the board. But who do I pick? The #1 fantasy scorer from last year, Mr. Tom Brady. Thank you Tom, for your 8 minutes of greatness this season. Fast forward to seven rounds later - I need a third receiver, and I just found the perfect one..... Nate Burleson, the only receiver left on the Seahawks. Burleson's first game of the season - 5 receptions for 60 yards and one TD. Then he goes and tears his ACL.



Two of my first eight picks are lost for the entire season. That's 25% of my top 8 picks rendered useless. I was left scrambling. I started making trade offers to everyone in my league.

I decided to put up my 4th round draft pick, Dallas Clark (I know what you're thinking...."Dallas Clark should not be a 4th round pick," but I stand by it. He is good for 10 TDs when he's healthy.) Somehow, I was able to trade Dallas Clark for Steve Smith. But I still had no quarterback. Right now, I am rocking John Kitna (sprained knee) and Carson Palmer (inexplicably missed last week's game, giving me ZERO points).

So it's coming up on week 5, and I am 0-4 on the season with a league low 174 points. My starting lineup?

Kitna/Palmer (whichever one is playing the worse opponent)
Maurice Drew (only one double digit scoring game this year)
Jamal Lewis (ditto - I'll be surprised if he breaks 100 yards in a game this year)
Santonio Holmes (for some reason Hines Ward is getting all the targets, especially in the red zone)
Jerrico Cotchery (probably my best player, even though he completely disappeared in half the games)
Steve Smith (I really hope last week is a sign of things to come)
John Carlson (The only receiver in Seattle - but he's a TE and now he's being double covered)
Giants D (I just traded for them [Matt Cassel and Anthony Fassano for Palmer and Giants D] and this will be their first week in action)
Ryan Longwell (Top 3 ranked kicked in the NFL. My best player is my kicker! Woo!)

My bench?
Sproles (I have been praying for LT to break an ankle)
Matt Jones (I should probably be starting him over Holmes)
Sammy Morris (The Patriots go-to back in the red zone...it's too bad they rarely are going to get there this year)
Bo Scaife (Actually a popular target considering he's a second-string TE on a running football team)
Patriots D and Broncos D (I know....three defenses on my team...what the hell am I thinking, right?)


So that's my team. I mean, they really aren't that bad on paper. My starting lineup is respectable. But none of them are performing. NONE of them. No consistency whatsoever. I haven't even cracked 70 points yet.

This is why it's not fantasy football - it's Nightmare Football. I don't even like Sundays anymore. I have NFL Season Ticket on Direct TV, but all it does is piss me off. I can't stand Hines Ward getting all the targets, or Darren Sproles getting 6 touches a game, or John Kitna throwing 3 INTs in garbage time. It is taking too much out of me. I am on the verge of quitting.



But writing this blog entry helped. Maybe I need to get away from sports for a while. I'm going to start blogging about other things. Too much stress in sports.

I hope all of you have better fantasy teams than me. And if you do (and I'm sure you all do), I don't want to hear about it. Only a month till NBA fantasy starts!

90210

When I was in 6th grade, my family hired a live-in nanny to help with me and my brothers. My mom was getting back to work so she needed someone to help out around the house. So we hired Simone. She was a red-headed German, probably in her late 20s, and she had an absolutely terrible, terrible lisp. She sounded like Tom from 'Tom and Jerry,' but if Tom had a German accent.



Anyways, Simone was obsessed with 90210. She had every episode on taped on VHS. Before Simone, I didn't know who Brian Austin Green was. But thanks to Simone, not only did I learn who Brian Austin Green was, but I wanted to be him. I'm not joking. I was fucking obsessed with Brian Austin Green. I thought he was the raddest, most badass dude on the show. Hell, I thought if he and Luke Perry got in a fight, that Green would kick his ass. Sounds ludicrous, right? I mean, Dylan was the biggest badass on the show, but here I am, thinking David Silver could beat the hell out of Dylan McKay.

So anyways, 90210 is back, and I'm watching. No surprise there. With the 'OC' off the air and 'The Hills' sucking dong, 90210 is my new guilty pleasure.

In the first 5 minutes of the season premiere, one of the dudes was getting down with some chick in front of school in the front seat of his car. So in the first five minutes, I knew it was going to be a helluva series.

So far, it's covered just about every plot twist imaginable - cheating couples, drug use, unknown children, the pressure to lose your virginity, overbearing mothers, baby daddy drama, rumors on the internet, adoption issues, and cheating on tests. I mean, it's all there.

And I am love. I have a new obsession. But this time, it's with a girl. Fitting, I know.



This is Silver. She is smoking hot. She's Brian Austin Green's step-sister on the show, so I guess that's fate or something.

But she is gorgeous. And on the show, she's a blogger. I'm a blogger too!

Need more fate? Listen to this -

Jessica Stroup (who plays Silver) looks just like Megan Fox.
Megan Fox is engaged to Brian Austin Green.

Fate is a funny thing....

THE DAY HAS COME!!!

I have been waiting for two months for something good enough to blog about. That day is today.

My beloved Lions have FINALLY parted ways with Matt Millen. After a 31-84 record and 8 miserable seasons, the anti-Christ has left the arena.

Millen may have the dubious honor of being the only GM to provoke chants of firing at not just Lions games, but Pistons, Red Wings, and U. of Michigan games. The chants "Fire Millen" could be heard in just about every area in Detroit. Hell, even the Detriot Shock have their 7 fans screaming to fire Millen.



Millen, who in his first three seasons failed to win any road games, became the GM with no managerial experience at all. That should have been the first red flag.

Joey Harrington......Charles Rogers.......Mike Williams ------- talk about first-round busts. They stuck with Harrington way too long. They made no big moves in the trade or free agent market. And don't even get me started on last season's epic collapse after starting 6-2 and finishing up the season 1-7.

And did any of you watch the Broncos game last weekend? Boss Bailey was all over the fucking field! In fact, he was the best Bailey on the field (better than his brother, Champ). How the hell did Millen let Bailey leave last year? What the fuck! He let our second-best linebacker just walk out the door.

So long Millen! I hope you tear your ACL walking to your car.

Little hiatus...

I have been in Paris the last few days, so the blog will have to be updated when i get back.

I can safely say the people here are smelly, but the weather is beautiful and the food is amazing. We havent stopped eating since we got here.

All I can say for now is that Brad Guzan officially signed for Aston Villa. I reported on this long ago...

I self-promote like Kanyeezy

Posted a few months ago, but nobody read the blog back then (as opposed to the dozens that read it now....).

This guy gives the "Are you drunk ref?!" whole new meaning...

A referee in Belarus was claiming he had back pain during the match, but after the game tests at the hospital confirmed that he was just drunk. Look at the way he pushes away the physio as he tries to help him off the field - that's priceless. Apparently there was a rumor going around saying US Soccer would hire him to work MLS matches.

I can say those rumors are false, because the truth is the CCAA has hired him to work men's soccer games. A great hire by all accounts!

So long Richie Sucks-son

The Mariners finally released Richie Sexson today after three and a half years of underachievement and frustration. The one bright spot of Sexson's time with the M's was when he charged the mound and flung his helmet at Rangers pitcher Kason Gabbard for a pitch that wasn't even close to hitting him.

I remember before 2005 when the M's picked up Sexson and Adrian Beltre. Sexson had hit 45 homers two seasons before and Beltre was coming off finishing second in the NL MVP race. I thought we were on the road for greatness.

Sexon's first year was a success - he hit.263 and had 39 home runs. The next year, his batting average dipped, but he still managed 34 homers. But last year was just plain embarrassing. Sexson hit a meager .205 and only managed 21 homers. He was terrible. He was so bad, the M's benched him at the end of the seaso, citing an 'injury'.

In the last 3 1/2 years, Sexson has struck out 24% of the time he is at the plate...that is just terrible. He was simply trying to hard to impress the fans, who booed him every time he stepped to the plate. Seattle isn't known for having mean fans, but Sexson brought out the worst in them.

I think Sexson and Beltre rubbed off on each other. They both came in highly touted, and both failed to reach their expectations. Beltre hit 48 home runs with the Dodgers in 2004. Since he joined the M's the next year, he has hit 19, 25, 26 and 16 this year. His batting average has also never even come close to the .334 he hit in '04. The highest he's hit since - .276.

What the hell happened? Were they drinking toilet water for 3 years? Did they spend their offseason watching Gina Davis movies and eating Bon Bons? The M's have been one of the most tragic sports stories of the decade. In 2001, they weren't expected to be a contender. They had just got rid of A-Rod and their team was filled with mostly average players. So what did that team end up doing? They set an American League record for wins with 119 and had eight All-Stars, including AL MVP and Rookie of the Year Ichiro (.350 in his first season!!!!). Good things were to come....right?

So what's happened since then? Nothing - they haven't been to the postseason since. Seven years of agony for Mariners fans. And last year, when they finished above .500 for the first time since 2003, everyone thought this would be the year they get back to the playoffs......now they are on pace to lose 100 games and becoming the first team to do so with a $100 million roster. Ichiro is hovering at .300 and their star pitcher is on the DL.



Getting rid of Sexson had to be done. The fans gave up on him long ago. Beltre may be the next to go, because of his huge contract, even thought he's leading the team in home runs with 16. The average age of the Mariners players is 30.3 years old - the oldest team in the AL West and fourth-oldest in the AL. It's time to get rid of Raul Ibanez, Jose Vidro, Kenji Jojhima and Jarrod Washburn. Even though Ichiro is 34, he could play until he's 40 and he's got one of the best arms in the league.

Because of the Mariners' shortcomings year after year, I have become less and less of a baseball fan. It's hard to watch baseball when your team is unbearable to watch. If it wasn't for Ichiro, I would have given up on the sport of baseball all together. Every year I have become less and less of a fan...I think the fans in Seattle are starting to feel the same way.

Great idea - poor execution

Did any of you guys here about the 2008 Free Kick Masters? No? It took place last week in Houston. Let me give a rundown of what it is.

Soccer's 'best' free kick takers and goalies in the world come to this event to vie for a $1 million prize. The format is single elimination - you go up against another shooter, and whoever scored more goals goes to the next round. You also get points for hitting the posts and crossbar, and the further away you are, the more points you get if you make it. I counted 16 free kick takers that took part in the competition and five goalies.

Shooters included Ronaldinho, Messi, Marquez, Borgetti, Pires, Jozy Altidore, Eddie Lewis, Palermo and other random players. Goalies included David James, Kasey Keller and Toldo. I mean, looking at the lineup, it doesn't look that bad, right?

Well, it was supposed to be much better. Fernando Torres, Lukas Podolski and Del Piero all dropped out before the competition. So instead of getting world-class players to fill their places, the organizers called Romario and Jorge Campos. Serious.


Romario and Jorge Campos are a combined 154 years old. All the shooters wanted to be going against Campos. "Ok Mr. Pires. Who do you want to shoot against...world-class goalkeeper David James, or over-the-hill, undersized, out-of-shape former MLS star Jorge Campos?"

That was the first thing wrong with the competition. The quality was half-assed. Messi...Ronaldinho...even Eddie Lewis - these are known, accomplished football players. Good job. But have you ever of Shen Shi, Subait Khater Fayel or Brad Davis? No! It's like the organizers got their headliners, and said to themselves, Great, we got Messi! Now let's go out there and sign up a bunch of nobodies!

They even had a spot open for a competition winner. That's right - a nobody won some competition for a right to compete for the $1 million prize. Would baseball ever let a competition winner into the home run derby? Would the NBA ever let a nobody into the three-point contest because they won a competition to get there? Hello no! Nobody wants to watch Joe Shmoe take free kicks. Who would you rather see? A 17-year-old nobody kid or a world class footballer? Not a tough decision.

Another reason this failed was the fact that it was in Houston. It's obvious why it was there. Houston isn't far from the Mexican border. The organizers invited three of Mexico's biggest stars to partake in the competition. Of the 30,000 in attendance, 20,000 were likely Mexicans. Organizers were probably afraid they couldn't fill seats in other American cities. But that is bullocks.

If they held it in NYC or LA, they would have gotten better participants (Why would Torres or Del Piero want to fly to Houston?) If they had better participants, more fans would come out. If they held it in a better city, more media would have come out. This competition has the potential to be something big. But in order for it to mean anything, the quality of participants must improve. Here's what they need to do:

1) Change the location. Have it in Los Angeles, NYC, or Miami. I wouldn't fly to Houston if they paid me. It's one of the worst cities in sports. As Bill Simmons said a few years back, the fact remains, you would never come here for any reason, other than these three: (1) For work. (2) To gain weight. (3) To get shot.

2) Increase the prize money. One million bucks really isn't that much nowadays. Especially to European players. They have to make the prize more appealing. The $1m is chump change to the Messes and Ronaldhinos, but it's quite appealing to the Romarios and Dwayne de Rosarios. They need to increase the prize money to put it out of reach for the average players.

3) Ask the top 30 free kick takers in the world. Even though Rafael Marquez won the competition, how many kicks does he take for Barcelona? That's right - none. Asking Marquez to the competition is like asking Chris Bosh to participate in the three-point contest. Bosh is a great player, but three pointers aren't exactly his thing. They need to ask the top free-kick specialists in the world, and after that, invite the big names.

4) Beckham. They NEED Beckham. How do you have a competition without Beckham. Hell, it could have been a goalkeeping competition, and Beckham is still necessary.

5) Change the uniforms. Whatever it was the players wore during the competition - they were HIDEOUS. They looked like the jersey I wore when I was 11 years old playing for the Lazers. It was hard enough watching an overweight Ronaldinho kick the ball into the wall over and over, but watching him in this gag-inducing jersey did not help. I have searched for 10 minutes trying to find one picture of the uniforms up close, but they do not exist.

6) If they are going to bring in veterans, bring in relevant ones. I don't care about Romario. He's ancient. Rivaldo would have been a better choice. Figo, Zidane, Shearer, Totti...these are guys they should be inviting.

7) Get some noteworthy sponsors. Get Nike to sponsor the uniforms, Gatorade to do refreshments and Ford to do transportation. This competition was so budget, I doubt any of the players will return for next year.

8) ESPN writer Jen Change wrote in this article that the scorekeeping was impossible to follow. Not even the players knew how many points they were getting. The audience and writers were lost. Make it easy to follow. Free kicks should be that confusing.

I looked at the list of people they invited, and I think I may have been a bit hard on the promoters. They had confirmations from Deco, Del Piero, Bentley, Juninho and Kewell. They also sent invites to Henry, Fabregas, Adebayor, Riquelme, Drogba, and Ibrihamovic. But I bet a big reason the players declined is because they found out the competition was in Houston.

Agent - "Hey Thierry, there's a free kick tournament for a million dollar prize. Want to take part?"
Henry - "Sure that sounds fun! Where is it?"
Agent - "It's in the United States!"
Henry - "Great! They love me over there! Great media coverage...what city? Los Angeles, New York...?"
Agent - "Uhm.....Houston...."
Henry - "The fuck? Oh, I just remembered, I am busy that weekend."

I think this tournament could work, but the format and quality of players is going to need to improve. The one and done format may not be the best. The fans came out to see Messi and Ronaldinho, and those two players didn't even advance. I would want to see more of those players. Give them another chance. Make it double elimination.

It will be interesting to see who participates next year. Perhaps players were fatigued from Euro taking place this summer. Looking at the way it panned out this year, there's nowhere to go but up.

Independence Day in London

From day one of being in London, I've been getting a whirlwind of shit from everyone here about being American. At work, they make fun of me for calling our boss 'gaffer' instead of 'gaffah'. At rugby, they make fun of me for shouting out directions, and when they mimic me, they sound like fucking cowboys.

So July 4th comes around, and the American bar (and I use the term 'American' loosely. The burgers are mediocre, the buffalo wings aren't spicy, and the nachos are nothing more than melted cheese on Doritos) is having a Independence Day party. Allright, I think, a night out with Americans!

I arrive at the bar at 10:30pm, and I couldn't believe what I saw.


The bar was packed. To the brim. Red, white, and blue balloons everywhere. American flags hanging from all the rafters. Streamers and confetti and Uncle Sam hats on everyone's heads. The Yankees and Red Sox were playing on tv, and Aretha Franklin was blaring from the speakers. Sounds awesome right? Well it was. But here's the funny thing -

No one there was American.

I mean, there were a couple. Maybe eight Americans out of the 80 people in the bar. But all these Brits, parading around, on MY Independence Day, having themselves a grand ol' time. They were singing American songs, eating American food, and watching American baseball.

Oh, and they drank all the Budweiser. That's right - by the time I got there, the Budweiser was completely tapped.

See, I think Independence Day to the Brits is like what St. Patrick's Day is to Americans. It's just an excuse to go out and drink. Whether or not you have any Irish heritage doesn't matter - we all go out wearing green to get absolutely plastered. Well, that's what the Brits were doing last night, but instead of wearing green, they were wrapping themselves in American flags and drinking Bud by the pitcher. This holiday, that actually means something to us Americans, is a novelty holiday to them.

The penultimate moment of the night? The entire bar, Brits and Americans alike,singing Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer' at the top of their lungs. I swear to God. I couldn't make this stuff up. It was like being in a frat house when a Journey song comes on - everyone just stops what they are doing and joins the song. The 'Grease' soundtrack followed. Then MC Hammer. Then Vanilla Ice. The bar kept singing and dancing for the next hour. It was unreal.

And before I knew it, the night was over.

Just another Independence Day for us.

Just another Friday night to them.

I guess I couldn't wait...

I stupidly ended my last blog post with the words, 'In N Out'. So what do you think the next thing I did was? Type 'In N Out' into google and see what popped up. Of course, the Wikipedia entry pops up and I spend 30 fucking minutes clicking on every picture and memorizing the 'secret menu'.

I couldn't handle it. Normally for my lunch breaks at work, I go to the basement and eat whatever the chef shit that morning. But not today. Today, I was on the quest for American cuisine. And how do you spell 'American cuisine' in England?

M-c-D-o-n-a-l-d-s.



Instead of my three-flight walk downstairs, I put on my jacket and headed out the front door to make the trek to food heaven. I got out the door and realized it was sunny and hot out. Shit, maybe I should turn around....What the hell am I thinking? I need to get to McDonalds.

Five blocks later, I arrived at the happiest place on Earth (if 'under Scarlett Johansson's shirt' didn't exist). I walked in to no line and three cashiers staring at me. I panicked. Holy crap. Which one do I go to? What the fuck do I order? Where's the dollar menu? Oh that's right, here they call it the Pound Saver menu...

After 24 minutes of staring at the menu, I walked up to the register, still having no idea what I was going to order.

I blurt out "Two double cheeseburgers. One small fry."

Uh-oh. What next? THINK MARCUS, THINK!!

"Chocolate milkshake."

She looks at her manager, looks back at me and says, "Sorry sir, the machine is..." and she makes the finger-slicing-the-throat gesture.

This almost sends me into an epileptic seizure. I look back at the menu. Two gentleman in suits are standing behind me. They look hungry. One is in a pink shirt and smells like lady's perfume. He'll probably order a salad. Pansy.

"McFlurry. Does that machine work?"

It does. And I am satisfied. It comes out to £4.85. Nevermind that £4.85 comes out to almost $10 American.

Needless to say, the meal is delicious. I waste no time, undressing the wrapper to the cheeseburger like I would a prom date in the car before dropping her off at her parents house after the party.

Halfway through my five walks back to work, it hits me. I'm reminded of how I never eat McDonalds. It's terrible stuff really. I have also had almost no dark meat since I have been in London. Oh crap. I don't think I am going to make it back to work....

Unfortunately, three stomach cramps later, I make it back to work.

I feel the burger in my stomach. Right now. As I'm typing this. It feels like I swallowed a ball of Play-Doh.

The thought of In N Out doesn't seem so appealing anymore.

I need a beer.

Stuff I can't wait to do when I get back to the motherland

I have been in London for 47 days, and I am over it. I am not over the city - in fact, I love the city. I would love to live here one day. The beer is plentiful, transportation is awesome, it doesn't get too hot, and food is everywhere.

See, I am over the situation. First off, I am living in a hostel, but we like to call it a halfway house. The hostel is also in Chelsea, which may be the most boring part of all London, not to mention the most expensive. I am also broke, and I have been nearly the whole time here. My internship (which is getting more and more boring) pays no money because I don't have a working visa.

To sum it up, you can only be living in a tiny hostel in an expensive foreign city with no income for so long. On day 50 - I have hit my limit. I am ready to go home.

The first thing I do when I get home? I haven't really made up my mind yet. The ideal thing to do would be to:

8am: wake up
9am: arrive at westwards, get a 4-hour session in a 4-6 ft SW swell with all my buddies
1:30pm: get a large breakfast burrito from Mama Lilly's
3pm: get home, play GTA4 and take a nap.
6pm: take my dog to the park and play catch
7pm: go to The Habit with my brothers, get a double charburger with cheese and a chocolate milkshake
8pm: watch discovery channel with my parents


Man. What a day. The next day, I would hit up In N Out, and I think after that, I would be fully submerged back into American culture.


God damn.....I really miss In N Out.

Maaaagette, Maggette, Maggette....

The latest news - the Spurs are going to make on offer to unhappy Clippers forward Corey Maggette. What would stop Maggette from saying 'yes'? The Spurs are contenders every year, Pop is one of the most respected coaches in the league, and Maggette would be surrounded by a cast of guys who are more than happy to share the ball. Maggette made a career-high in three pointers last year, and if he is filling in for Bruce Bowen, he will surpass that number.

I think this is an excellent fit. With Duncan, Parker, Manu and Maggette - oh man. I don't care how old they are, they combine for nearly 80 points per game. Please, pleeeeeeeeeeease let this happen.

The '92 Dream Team, '04 Stink Team, and '08 _____ team

In 1992, the United States basketball team, known around the world as the Dream Team, won by an average of 44 points per game en route to a gold medal at the Barcelona Summer Olympics. Twelve years later in 2004, the US team was upset and embarrassed, settling for a bronze medal in Athens. Now, in 2008, the US team will look to repeat what the ’92, ‘96’, and ’00 teams did – win the gold medal.

But it won’t be easy. Teams like Italy, Argentina, and Lithuania have shown they are world-class teams. While they don’t have the individual talent the US team possesses, they play like a team – something the 2004 US ‘stink team’ did not do.

In order to win the 2008 Olympics, the US team will have to return to their roots. With five players on the 2004 team returning for this summer’s Olympics, the Americans will have to change their game to be less like the 2004 team, and more like the Dream Team.

To see if the US has what it takes to make it all the way, lets compare the famed Dream Team, the doomed 2004 team, and the current Olympic squad.

Results
Dream Team: Gold medal, 8-0 record, won by average of 44 points
Stink team: Bronze medal, 5-3 record, won by average of 5 points
2008 team: In qualifying, 10-0 record, won by average of 40 points
Verdict: The US team has showed Dream Team-esque dominance through qualifying, but that doesn’t mean much. The ‘stink team’ won their qualifying games by an average of 31 points, but couldn’t replicate those results when it mattered in the Olympics.

Hall of Fame Factor
DT: Of the 12 players on the roster, five are already in the Hall of Fame and another six are certain to be when they become eligible. Never have so many great players been on the team at one time – ten of the 12 players were named to the 50 Greatest Players of All Time list in 1996.

ST: Individual talent couldn’t be to blame for the ’04 team. With arguably the greatest scoring point guard of all time in Allen Iverson and arguably the greatest power forward of all time in Tim Duncan, the team featured four other players who are locks for the Hall of Fame when their careers come to an end.
2008: The 2008 team is loaded with Hall of Fame-caliber players. Apart from Michael Redd, Chris Bosh, Carlos Boozer, and Tayshaun Prince, the remaining eight players have had or are showing potential for Hall of Fame careers.
Verdict: The Americans have an all-star cast of players for this year’s Olympics. But as the 2004 games showed, it doesn’t come down to individual talent.

Guards
DT: Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Clyde Drexler, John Stockton. Two prolific passers in Johnson and Stockton, one prolific scorer in Jordan, and one all-around stud in Drexler. They balanced each other out perfectly, and no matter which two were on the court, the US team was in good hands.
ST: Allen Iverson, Stephon Marbury, Dwayne Wade. Marbury was a cancer to the US team. In eight games, he averaged only 4 assists per game. Iverson and Wade were just as reluctant to share the ball. How can a football team expect to win with two center midfielders that don’t pass the ball? Basketball is the same way, and selecting these three to direct the US offense was a step in the wrong direction.
2008: Jason Kidd, Chris Paul, Deron Williams, Michael Redd, Wade, Kobe Bryant. With six players selected to play two positions, the Americans are in no shortage of guards. The three point guards are pass-first types of players, while the three shooting guards are a mix of a jump shooter (Redd), a slasher (Wade), and an all-around killer (Bryant).
Verdict: Kidd may be 38-0 in international competition and Paul may be the best point guard in the game, but the man running this offense should be Williams. The teams the US will face feature taller, more physical point guards. Paul is tiny and Kidd is a liability on the defensive end, but Williams has the physical stature to withstand the blows that come with international competition. Wade made the team again even though he can’t really pass the ball and he can’t take jump shots. But in bringing Redd, they are solving the problem they had in 2004 by not bringing any pure shooters. And while the trio of true point guards is a huge improvement over the 2004 team, they don’t even compare to the talent and balance the Dream Team showed.




Forwards
DT: Charles Barkley, Karl Malone, Larry Bird, Chris Mullin, Scottie Pippen, Christian Laettner. The perfect balance of offensive tenacity (Barkley), defensive prowess (Pippen), inside dominance (Malone), veteran leadership (Bird), three-point accuracy (Mullin) and youth (Laettner). You could not have selected six better guys to send to Barcelona.
ST: Carmelo Anthony, Richard Jefferson, Shawn Marion, Lamar Odom, Lebron James, Carlos Boozer, Amare Stoudemire. What a mess. Stoudemire and Anthony were utterly useless, combining to average a whopping 5.2 ppg. Jefferson was a forgettable selection, shooting 32% from the field. Odom shot an abysmal 52% from the free-throw line. The one bright spot was Boozer, who was able to play at his natural position of power forward (at Tim Duncan’s expense).
2008: Anthony, James, Tayshaun Prince. Anthony is expected to be the starting power forward. Yes, you read that correctly. Anthony, one of the NBA’s best shooters from outside the paint, is going to be starting in one of the most physical positions on the basketball court. Does manager Jerry Colangelo not want to win any offensive rebounds? James will start at small forward, which is his rightful position. Prince was the surprise selection, most likely picked for defensive purposes.
Verdict: These three players average under seven rebounds per game. If Anthony is truly going to play power forward, the Americans will have a tough time controlling the boards. This is going to put a lot of stress and added responsibility on whoever is playing center for Team USA.

Center
DT: David Robsinson, Patrick Ewing. What a novel idea – having two 7-footers playing center. Robinson and Ewing split time right down the middle, both averaging 9 ppg in the competition and combining for half of the team’s blocks. Having two true centers allowed Malone and Barkley to bang bodies down low while allowing Mullen and Pippen to get open for outside jumpers – the perfect frontcourt combination.

ST: Tim Duncan, Emeka Okofor. Duncan isn’t a center. Okafor isn’t a center. What the hell were these two doing playing center? Hell, Okafor wasn’t even in the NBA yet! Poor Duncan had so much weight to pull in 2004, he quickly declined an offer to play in these 2008 games. While Duncan did fine on the offensive end, being the only big man led Duncan into serious foul trouble. And with Duncan out of the game, the team got pounded on the boards, and you can’t expect to win a game if you can’t rebound.
2008: Dwight Howard, Chris Bosh, Boozer. Did US officials not learn anything from 2004? Howard is the only true center, but even then, he’s undersized. Boozer and Bosh are excellent players in the power forward slot, but when asked to play center, there is no way they will be utilised to their fullest playing potentials.
Verdict: None of the players on the roster are over 6’11”, meaning rebounds may be hard to come by in Beijing. For the US team to be successful, their big men have to stay out of foul trouble. But with a five-foul limit instead of the NBA standard six, this may be easier said than done.

Final Verdict
In 2004, the US team failed to bring a true point guard, a pure shooter, and a true center to Athens. They paid the price greatly. This year, they have certainly made up for two of those problems. But they still lack a 7-footer. In fact, the last time the US team brought a 7-footer to the Olympics, Jon Lovitz was still a household name.
If the US team wants to win, they have to work together. Take a look at these scoring averages at the last four Olympic games:
1992: 10 players averaged over 8 ppg
1996: 9 players averaged over 8 ppg
2000: 6 players averaged over 8 ppg
2004: 5 players averaged over 8 ppg
With guys like Kidd, Paul, and Williams distributing the ball, everyone will have an opportunity to score. But scoring isn’t what the US team needs to worry about. FIBA competition is especially physical, and if the Americans want to win, they have to be able to bang down low without getting into foul trouble. And with young guys like Howard and Bosh who don’t have a lot of international experience, I don’t see the US team going undefeated like the Dream Team did in 1992. But I also don’t see them settling for a bronze medal like they did in 2004.

Prediction
Gold medal. They may lose a game or two, but when they get to the semi-finals, they won’t come up short again. And when they make it to the championship game, they will know exactly what to do.

Gatlin (deservedly) given second chance

Disgraced United States champion sprinter Justin Gatlin was given a temporary restraining order on his four-year ban from the sport this week, meaning he may have a chance to defend his gold medal in Beijing. While it’s no guarantee he will make it to China, the idea of reinstating an athlete convicted of steroid use is a tough pill to swallow. But why? Is there no such thing a second chance in sports?

In prisons, inmates take part in various rehabilitation programs. They learn positive habits, earn a high school diploma, and even learn the art of yoga. If ruthless killers can master the ways of regulating their inner chi, why is it that disgraced athletes cannot be rehabbed to return to sport?

In this steroid era that seems to be plaguing the world of track and field, we are quick to shun athletes that are mentioned in the countless steroid allegations raised every week. Surely, an allegation means guilt, we tell ourselves. We’ve heard all the excuses, the ‘I’ve never knowingly taken anything’ and the ‘I didn’t know that was banned’ and even the ‘It must have been something in my toothpaste’.

So when it came to light that Gatlin had tested positive for steroids for the second time in 2006, it was time to write him off, right? Surely this man is a cheater. All it takes is one look at him and it’s obvious he must use steroids – he looks like he should be playing rugby, not running track. And this, being his second offence? Surely he must be a cheat! Off with his head!

But then it comes to light that his first offence was likely a mistake. Gatlin is one of tens of millions that suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). His medication contained amphetamines that led to him testing positive at a junior meet in 2001. He was suspended for two years, but reinstated after one. But because his medication contained a banned substance, this suspension should have never been enforced in the first place. In the U.S., Gatlin’s right to take medication is protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act – he cannot be punished for taking necessary medication.

So his suspension was reduced, and he was told a second violation would lead to a lifetime ban from the sport. This means Gatlin was under extremely watchful eyes. In the 2004 Sydney Olympics, he won the 100m and placed third in the 200m. In 2005, he won the 100m and 200m at the World Championships. He was clean, on top of the world, and without any reliance on banned substances. Then, one year later, he tested positive a banned substance, and was consequently written off by the track and field community.

But this clearly isn’t an open-and-shut case. Why would Gatlin be tempted to use banned substances when he knew one more violation would result in a lifetime ban? He was already under a very watchful eye. Surely he could not be so daft as to mettle with steroids when he was already one of the best in the world. But Gatlin is not the brightest tool in the shed. One of the first things he should have done was fire his coach, Trevor Graham. Eight of Graham’s athletes have tested positive for performance enhancing drugs. And it was Graham who famously told the press about Gatlin’s second positive test, ‘I know it was sabotage. I don’t think it was sabotage at all. I know it is.’ Graham laid blame on a mysterious cream that a therapist rubbed on Gatlin’s legs before the meet.

Facing a lifetime ban but citing the first offence as minor, the International Association of Athletics Federations banned him for eight years. They later reduced it to four. Gatlin was denied to have it reduced to two years this May, but now a judge has given him a break – his first break in two years.

I am in no way condoning cheating. Marion Jones? Lock her up. NBA referee Tim Donaghy, who admitted to fixing games to win bets? Lock him up and throw away the key. But Gatlin is different. His first suspension should never have occurred. This means his second positive test should have ended in a two-year suspension, not an eight-year ban. If he were given a two-year suspension, he would have been eligible to compete in next week’s U.S. Olympic trials. And while Graham’s allegations of sabotage seem outrages, Gatlin would be the last person to use banned substances considering he knew he was under a microscope.

So next week, Gatlin may be running at the U.S. trials. After a two-year fight to get back to the track, Gatlin has been given a chance. And don’t think that the U.S. is just going this is a ploy to win more medals – the American team already has Tyson Gay, who won three golds at the World Championships, and Gatlin has more critics than supporters.

But next week, he will have a chance. And why not? If prisoners can be rehabilitated to a return to the real world, why can’t athletes be rehabbed to return to the sports world? We must ask ourselves which is worse – a convicted killer being released after serving 25 years, or a convicted sprinter being allowed to return after two years? If cheating is frowned upon more than murder, what's to stop me from bringing a pistol to my next rugby game?

The Mets make the Knicks look good

If there’s a book on ‘How to Run a Sports Organization’, baseball’s New York Mets haven’t taken it off the shelf yet. They don’t know how to win games. They sign the wrong players. They can’t get out of the Yankees’ shadow. And they certainly don’t know how to sack their manager. Now they’ve alienated their fans, and take it from me, the last thing you want is an angry New Yorker. If I’m in the Mets front office, I would read that book as soon as I can. Or at least get it on audiotape.
Chapter 1: Win games.
The Mets were doing a fine job of this last year, leading their division by seven games late in the season. But in a Jean Van de Velde-type collapse, they lost 12 of their final 17 games and missed the playoffs. This season, they are off to a 35-36 record, leading to an unorthodox sacking of their manager.
Chapter 2: Sign competent players.
Mo Vaughn was a legend in the mid 1990s. But when the Mets signed him in 2001, he was a 275-pound blob. They paid him $13m his first season, or, in Mo Vaughn terms, 50 million donuts. He never lived up to his ‘hefty’ expectations and lasted only one more year before retiring. This year, they brought in much sought-after pitcher Johan Santana and gave him a 5-year, $150m contract. Is anyone surprised he’s off to a very average 7-5 start?
Interestingly enough, the Mets best player this year has been Ryan Church, who is getting paid in woodchips and lives in obscurity. Unfortunately for the Mets, he’s had two concussions in three months – but they played him anyways. Which brings us to the next chapter:
Chapter 3: Don’t play players with concussions.
Chapter 4: Don’t fire your manager at midnight.
This chapter was almost left out of the book because it has simply never been done. The Mets fired manager Willie Randolph this week at 12:14 in the morning. In a hotel. In Los Angeles. After the Mets had just beat a first-place team. If you’re lost, don’t worry – so is the Mets front office. The Mets had waited too long to fire Randolph, and now they had to wait for the team to hit a losing streak to warrant a sacking. Ever heard of a front office wanting the team to lose? Well, Randolph began winning, but his fate was already sealed. Hence an e-mail to East coast writers at 3:14 a.m. announcing his removal, which arrived too late to be published in the morning papers, throwing the writers into a frenzy. As much as it angered the writers, it did even more to the fans.
Chapter 5: Never, ever, ever upset the fans.
We live in the 21st century. Fans have the ability to blog their opinions on the internet, reaching thousands of readers. In New York, where the Mets get more media coverage than Big Brother 9, everyone is up to date with Mets issues.

This firing was the final straw. The Mets just can’t seem to get anything right. With the Yankees making the playoffs year after year and the Giants winning the Super Bowl last year, the Mets are stuck in neutral, going nowhere fast. The only thing the Mets fans have to look forward to is an $810m stadium that will be finished in 2009. But does a new stadium actually help the fans forget about the past?
For an answer, look no further than Seattle. Has Safeco Field helped Mariners fans forget about the sale of A-Rod, Griffey Jr., and the Big Unit in the course of one year? I think not. And if it did, I apologize.

Defending my true love

No, I am not talking about Kristen Wiig. I am talking about soccer. Recently, my friend and former colleague Phillip Barnett made some comments about soccer on his well-written blog that soccer, along with hockey, will "never be widely accepted by Americans". This may be true, but Phil, your reasoning is faulty.

One of your reasons is that soccer "lacks a defining play". You say soccer has goals, but that is not enough. You cite that "football has touchdowns, baseball has homeruns" - so how does soccer not have goals!?!

A goal in can be one of the most beautiful plays in all of sports. The same can't be said about basketball and baseball. In basketball, one of the most famous plays of all time is Jordan's shot against Utah and Bryon Russell that sealed the Bulls 1998 NBA Championship. This is arguably one of the greatest shots in NBA history, and surely Phil, this must be a defining moment in NBA history.



Now, don't get me wrong - it was a great play. It was in Utah, with time winding down - it was a great shot, no doubt. But in all honesty, it looks like shots that are knocked down every single night in the NBA. It wasn't that special of a shot. Any NBA player could make that shot. Hell, I could make that shot. Two dribbles right, push off defender with my left hand, step back, put the ball up, and keep my shooting hand raised up even after the ball goes through the bucket... I've made that shot on my driveway over 100 times!

So shots like that can be called 'defining', but a goal can't? Anyone can make Jordan's most famous shot - but can anyone on the planet do this?



I think not. It would take even the most skillful players in the world hours upon hours of attempts to make that shot. How is that goal not defining?

Let's talk baseball. Phillip's example was the home run. One home run stands out in the mind of all baseball experts - Bobby Thomson's 1951 World Series walk off home run to win the series.



I don't want to take anything away from this play - it is simply one of the most amazing plays in all of sports history. The timing of it, the broadcast of it - it is all perfect.

But here's the thing - it was just a home run. A home run looks the same, no matter who is hitting it. What is really defining about a home run? Well - nothing really. The ball goes over the fence. Hell, I get bored watching a home run derby!

The equivalent of 'The Shot Heard 'Round the World'? How about a goal in extra time during the World Cup - the most-watched sporting event in the world?



Not only was the goal one-in-a-million, but it occurred in extra time on the world's premier sporting stage. Sorry Phil - but I guess I find this goal a little bit more defining than a home run.

Now we pair up soccer against football. This gets a little trickier, because in both sports, scoring is different every time. In football, there are a variety of ways to score. Sure, the 3-yard run up the middle can get old, but what about the 93-yard kickoff returns, or the 18-yard reverese, or even the 9-yard bootleg? Football is much like soccer, in that once the ball gets moving, it depends much on the athlete in how they team scores. The team must work together in perfect cohesion to make sure they achieve their goal.

The thing about football and soccer - no two touchdowns or goals are alike. Some are run-of-the-mill, some are spectacular, but all are unique. I guess this is why this commercial worked so well together:



But HERE is where the difference lies, Phillip....

I am not going to define the word 'define', but I am pretty sure a 'defining play' is a play that can happen only a few times during a game. In fact, the less it happens, the more defining it is when it does happen.

In basketball, you see 15 3-pointers per game. Scratch them off the list.
In baseball, you see anywhere from 0-5 home runs per game, but they all look exactly alike, so it is hard for them to stand out. Scratch them off the list.
In football, touchdowns happen pretty regularly, but touchdowns don't send the crowd into a frenzy. Scratch them off the list.

A goal in soccer possesses all three qualities. If you go 85 minutes without a goal, and suddenly a team scores, isn't that goal the most defining moment of the game? I can't think of anything that is more defining than a goal.

I leave you with one of the greatest goals of all time. In the Champions League Final in 2002, Zidane hit one of the greatest goals in the history of soccer. It was the defining moment in the game, the tournament, his career, and even in the history of soccer.



Phil, I will briefly address your other reasons for soccer not being popularm, 2. the lack of star power and 3. the way the games are filmed.

Lack of star power? Are you kidding me!!! David Beckham is the most recognizable athlete in the world! And if you go around the United States holding up a picture of Lebron James or 'Melo or KG, I bet many Americans would not be able to name them. But you go to France and hold up a picture of Thierry Henry, or go to Italy and hold of a picture of Totti, or Brazil and hold up a picture of Ronaldinho, and I can guarantee a majority of the country could name the player.

Perhaps that is why in Gillette's Mach razor commercials, they picked three of the most popular athletes on the planet and none of them were basketball, football, or baseball players...



And as for the way games are filmed - the only place that sucks is America. In Europe, games have just as many cameras, probably more even, than American football games. In Europe, they constantly show coaches, fans, and bench players, in addition to super close ups of players grimacing after missing a shot or celebrating after making a goal. In fact, every time they score, they are at least 6 replays of the goal every time a goal is scored. The only problem is that in America, there aren't as many cameras, and I think this is purely because of lack of funds.

So, perhaps I may be biased because I have been playing soccer since I was 3. But that doesnt change the fact that i truly believe that a goal isn't just the most defining moment in soccer, but the most defining moment in all of sports.

So Phil, for once, we will have to agree to disagree.

To all you who defended Odom....

A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog entry about Lamar Odom being overrated. Of course, the Laker faithful showed up in full force and defended Odom to the grave. "Look at all the rebounds he gets!" they say. "He's the perfect third man!" they cried.

Well, the day I wrote the article, Odom went off for 26 points (in a loss) against the Jazz. The next game, he scored 22. Lakers fans felt vindicated. Surely, I was wrong, they thought.

Well, Lamar is back to his old self. He's averaging a whopping 9 points and 8 rebounds in the series. He is shooting 0% from 3-point range and hasn't gotten double figures in rebounding once.

Last month, I wrote, "Lamar Odom can't be trusted in the clutch." Nothing is more clutch than the NBA finals, and no one is underachieving more than Lamar Odom.

The Lakers are down 2-1 in this series, and if they have any hope of getting back in this thing, they need Odom to step up. They can't rely on Sasha "the walking shampoo ad" Vujacic to catch fire every single game. But here lies the problem - Odom is in uncharted territory. He has never been on a stage this big before (unless you count the 2004 Summer Olympics, where he averaged 5 points en route to a bronze medal. But let's be honest - that was the worst USA team every assembled. Marbury was the starting PG, so I can't put the US incompetence solely in Odom's hands).

But yet, all the Lakers fans continue to support Odom. Hell, even Boston fans are becoming fans of Odom. Curt Schilling, who knows absolutely nothing about basketball, wrote in his blog that he "became a fan of (Odom) last night". My God, WHY!?!? Is Schilling a huge fan of underachieving professional athletes? Is Adrian Beltre, Larry Hughes, Kyle Boller and Michael Owen on his "favorite athletes list"?

So to all you that defended Odom through these playoffs (where he's averaging below his season averages, by the way), I will not say, "I told you so." But if the Lakers lose this series to the C's, you can't point the finger at Kobe, who's averaging 32-6-6. The finger will be pointed at the supporting cast. And finally, perhaps you'll realize Odom isn't the golden child you all thought he was.

Greetings from London - Thoughts on Oj Mayo

'Ello from London! It's been a while since I've made any posts. Been busy with school and traveling.

Anyways, this whole OJ Mayo thing is going to get ugly. "Allegedly" he accepted gifts from this sports agency so they could secure him as a client when he left to the NBA. I put "allegedly" in quotations because you know he did. He was flat broke before he came here, and now he is the best dresser on the team and owns a 60 in. plasma tv.

Anyways, OJ is going to get off scott-free. He is going to the NBA to make his millions. This leaves USC absolutely fucked. This is a huge deal. This comes in the wake of the Reggie Bush scandal, where similar things happened. It just shows that USC can't control their star athletes.

So anyways, USC is going to get in big trouble. If I am on the NCAA committee, I am kicking the Trojans out of the NCAA for a year. Make them ineligible to compete in the Pac-10 tourney. Take away a couple scholarships. This is the perfect opportunity for them to make a statement about accepting gifts while still in college. Mike Garrett, USC's athletic director, needs to either get fired or make some serious changes.

We all knew Mayo was a headcase before he got to USC. To quote Bill Simmons,

Like it or not, Mayo's style of game resonates with a certain demographic, with his final high school dunk symbolizing the divide between traditional fans and the budding generation that was weaned on Slam Magazine and me-first "superstars" like Stephon Marbury and Vince Carter (neither of whom has played on a 50-win NBA team, by the way). Head over to YouTube and you'll find an unedited clip of the dunk that makes Mayo look like an attention-seeking punk, as well as a heavily edited clip of the same dunk that lionizes it. Is it alarming that a 19-year-old kid throwing himself a halfcourt alley-oop in the final minute of a 40-point win, dunking it, tossing the ball into the stands and getting thrown out of his final high school game, then soaking in a standing ovation could be considered a beautiful moment by some people? Probably not. That's just our culture now. Rappers sing songs with their own names as the chorus. Wannabe celebrities intentionally leak sex tapes to make themselves famous. Rich teenagers make fools of themselves on "My Super Sweet 16" and don't even get that they're the joke.

Tim Floyd needs to start getting some character guys. Something tells me Lil' Romeo and Demar Derozan are not going to be those guys.

As for Mayo - he is scum. He came in as a cocky high school kid who wanted to be the star on a mediocre team. He punched out Daniel Hackett and broke his jaw (which was covered up nicely by the athletic dept). He hogged the ball and turned the ball over. And everyone looked past it. All Trojans were just happy to have him.

He can do whatever he wants. He's OJ Mayo.

And now, when all USC fans stuck with him, he stabbed them in the back. He will be long gone and USC will pay the consequences. Is that right? Absolutely not. Mayo's name should be erased from the record books. Every USC student who has his jersey should burn it. He just completely screwed over a program that was on the rise. Mayo should never return to USC. He should not be welcome.

I'll tell you what - Ben Howland wouldn't stand for that for one second. UCLA's players have showed nothing but class for the last 5 years, while USC has had ill-advised early entry's to the draft and transfers. Sorry Floyd. You're a lovable coach. You show emotion. But you blatantly ignored the problems. You HAD to know something was up. And you ignored it.

I say USC fires Floyd and Garrett. USC's two biggest stars of the decade, and they both got illegal benefits while they were in college.

But hey, at least they were entertaining to watch, right?

Lamar Odom (sucks)

I am sick and tired of hearing about how good Lamar Odom is. Lakers fans LOVE him. People who don't know that much about basketball LOVE HIM EVEN MORE. They think he's an all-star. But he's not. He's never been an all-star. And he'll never be an all-star. A friend of mine said this the other day: "Lamar Odom is to Kobe like Pippen was to Jordan." I almost slapped my friend on the spot. Odom doesn't even come close to Pippen. And I will tell you why.

1. Lamar Odom is having one of his worst statistical year's of his career.
If you don't count his 2001-02 season with the Clippers where he only played in 29 games, he is averaging a career low in points (14.2). He is also below his career average in assists, blocks, free throw %, and 3-point %. He is however, averaging career highs in rebounds and field goal %. But still, it really is a down year for Odom.

2. Lamar Odom can't hit 3's.
Lamar Odom isn't a power forward - he is a small forward. And small forwards have to hit 3's. It's part of the position. Lamar is shooting an abysmal 27% from 3-point range. Luckily for the Lakers, they have enough guys, their other three starters can (Fisher, Bryant, Radmanovic).

3. Lamar Odom can't be trusted in the clutch.
According to Lamar shoots an undesirable 39% in clutch time (teams within 5 points of each other with 5 minutes left). That's definitely not something you want to see. Especially when his free throw shooting is below 70%. Gee, I wonder if teams want to foul Odom?

4. Lamar Odom is inconsistent.
Lamar Odom scored 20+ points nine times this season. Four of those times, he had less than 10 points the next day. So first off, he only gets 20 points once every nine games. For a player that averages 14 ppg, that's kind of odd. Second off, in almost half the games he scores 20 points, he goes cold the very next game. That shows no consistency whatsoever scoring. The only thing that he is consistent at is rebounding. But they have Pau Gasol to do that....so....

5. LAMAR ODOM IS USING 25% OF HIS TALENT!
Lamar Odom has one "WOW" play every game. Every game he takes the ball to the basket in a such an elegant way that he makes it look easy. I compare Odom to Ken Griffey Jr. Griffey had that perfect swing - that swing that looked like he could hit a home run at every at-bat. Odom is the same way. When he drives to the hole, the way his body moves and the way he gets up to the basket.....he looks like a fucking swan.

Why can't he do it every time? He does it with such ease! I don't understand it. He makes these wonderful plays and someone in the room will say, "Man, Odom is so good!" Well, the thing is, he only does that once a game. Odom is operating at 25% of his ability. Sports Illustrated did a player poll a little while ago asking NBA players to say who they think does the least with the most talent. The players answered Vince Carter. Vince Carter? Really? Carter has a career average of 24 ppg and is an 8-time all-star. That seems pretty good to me. Want to see Odom's season points averages? His rookie year, he averaged 16.6. Here's his year-by-year average after that:
17.2
13.1
14.6
17.1
15.2
14.8
15.9
14.2

Oh my God! He's gotten worse! Did Odom hit his peak at 22 years old? He averages 16 per game his rookie year. Everyone thought that was only the beginning. Usually when a rookie averages that much, he gets better. Well, Odom's numbers have gone down. And Odom's numbers never got better. They aren't really bad numbers either. They are just...... average.

And that's what Odom is - average. He never developed. He never grew. He just stayed the same. And it seems like he is satisfied with being the 15 ppg, 9 rbg guy. That's fine. He is a great 3rd guy to have in your top 3. But he's no Pippen. He's no Dumars. He's no McHale. He's Lamar "Average" Odom.

So Lakers fans I tell you this - shut the fuck up.

My love goes on

Last week I professed my love for Kristen Wiig. Here was my favorite sketch from the SNL a couple weeks ago, hosted by Christopher Walken.

As usual, Wiig stole the sketch.

Will Suns and Lakers fans shutup already?

Not even 18 hours after beating the Suns in game 5, the Spurs are already getting blasted for their tactic of fouling Shaq to send him to the free-throw line.

"It's an abomination" cried Mark Heisler of the LA Times. Abomination? Free throw shooting is part of the game! The Suns knew that Shaq was a terrible free-throw shooter when they traded for him. They knew that he had the possibility of being exploited at the free-throw line. And the Spurs, with one of the craftiest and smartest coaches in the league, took advantage of it.

Down big in both game 1 and game 2, the Spurs were able to claw back. Fouling Shaq and sending him to the line worked to keep the Suns high-powered offense at bay. If the Suns were smart, they would pull Shaq out of the game for 2-3 minuted stretches and get some momentum going. Leaving Shaq in the game is a huge liability. And hell, they could have even returned the favor. Duncan is only shooting 61% so far in the playoffs. Put that goon Brian Skinner in the game and make him foul Duncan before he can get a shot off.

Listen up Suns fans - I know you're tired of losing to the Spurs pretty much every single year. And every year, you make excuses for why you lost. (Last year's excuse: "Oh my God if they didnt suspend Stoudemire and Diaw last year we would totally have won...Robert Horry is so cheap he purposely shoved Nash and he should have been suspended for the series...Oh my God that rule where you cant leave the bench is so dumb they should get rid of it...BLAH BLAH BLAH")

Suns fans - you are the most whiny and annoying in the league, but I guess that happens after getting knocked out of the playoffs every single year. And let me give you a LEGITIMATE excuse for you why guys didn't beat the Spurs this year - HOW THE HELL DID YOU NOT FOUL GINOBILI IN GAME ONE!??! YOU FOUL HIM, HE TAKES TWO SHOTS, YOU GUYS ARE STILL UP ONE - GAME OVER!!!!

I think it's time for D'Antoni to go. He's had so many chances. The only thing he's really good at is getting technical fouls.

***EDIT: Only 20 minutes after publishing this post, ESPN reports that D'Antoni will not return to the Suns next year. Apparently Steve Kerr is reading my blog.

Final Project

Here is the link to a blog I made for my final project. It's probably the raddest website this side of the Mississippi.

http://lasportsfinal.blogspot.com/

My God, this Olympics is screwed!

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/04/28/china.train/index.html

oh and dont forget about this one!

http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/news/story?id=3370281

Seriously. This Olympics is screwed. The infrastructure there is already crowded enough as it is. The food there is not safe. The amount of protesters is going to be gigantic. This Olympics is going to be a complete mess. We could move the Olympics to Uzbekistan and have a better chance of it being successful than in China.

And the worse possible scenario in China??? The Soviets winning more medals than us. That, ladies and gentlemen, would be the end of the world.

I think I am in love with Kristen Wiig

Some people will say that Saturday Night Live started to suck after Will Ferrell, Chris Katan, Tim Meadows, and Tracy Morgan left the show. But I really feel the losses of Cheri Oteri, Molly Shannon, and Ana Gasteyer was the main reason the show started to go downhill. The three women brought more laughs than any other female actress in the history of the show, and they were just as crucial to the show as Ferrell and Katan.

Yes, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are good, but Fey stayed mostly behind the scenes (her best bit was Weekend Update) and Poehler simply couldn't do it all herself. I am not going to talk about Maya Rudolph, because I was never a fan of her. She overacted too much and I didn't really like any of her recurring characters.

So SNL started to lose viewers. They struggled to find a face for the show. None of the men were big enough names. The hosts struggled to succeed and be funny .Peyton Manning, Justin Timberlake, and Lindsay Lohan were some of the few hosts that had great shows. Here is the skit that put Manning on the comedy map.



The one highlight of the years before Wiig was the emergence of the SNL Digital Shorts. Here's the one that made put Digital Short's on the map.

Enter Wiig. She came out of nowhere. She wasn't even on the comedy map. She joined SNL in 2005 and since then has become the star of the show. Her recurring characters are the highlight of the show. Just last weekend, I swear she was in every single skit. She is without a doubt the most valuable actor on the show and everyone's favorite player.

Her most popular character is probably Penelope, a habitual liar.

Penelope Skit: SNL | Funny Jokes at JibJab

But my favorite of her characters is the Target Lady.


I also like her character as The Porch Sitter. Her and someone else sit on a porch and talk about life. It's kind of like Bill Brasky, but with a twist. Here's a transcript from one of the episodes.

Porch Sitter: You know what I'm going to use to fertilize my garden?
Husband: Your own poop?
Porch Sitter: [ smiles ] Yep!
[ they sip their coffee ]
Husband: Guess what Carl did for Janice's birthday this year.
Porch Sitter: What?
Husband: He hung himself in their garage.
Porch Sitter: [ chuckles ] And you say we have problems!
[ they chuckle together and sip their coffee ]
Husband: Mmm. I walked around with a piece of sliced ham in my pants for the past couple of days, just to have my own secret.
Porch Sitter: [ smiles at him ]
[ they sip their coffee ]
Porch Sitter: I enjoy coffee.
Husband: Me, too.
[ they sip their coffee ]
Porch Sitter: I'm thinking about buying a bunch of baby clothes to dress up all our plants.
Husband: I slow-danced with the dog today.
Porch Sitter: [ smiles ] I have a pig's vagina! [ a beat ] I love this porch.
Husband: Me, too.

Genius.

Ok so not only is Wiig hilarious, but she also pretty hot. I think she's the best looking actress to ever appear on SNL. If I were to make a list...
1) Wiig
2) Sarah Silverman
3) Tina Fey
4) Julia Louis Dreyfuss

Anyways, back to Wiig. I am in love with her. On top of SNL, she has made some memorable appearances in Knocked Up and The Brothers Solomon. I really only watch the show for a couple reasons - the Digital Shorts, Will Forte, and Wiig. That's pretty much it.

Thank you Kristen, for making me a fan again.

Galaxy stink up another one

The Galaxy lost today to Toronto FC today at the Home Depot Center by a score of 3-2. Losing at home is one thing. Losing at home to a second-year team that won only 6 of 30 games last year is pathetic.

Last year the Galaxy won only 9 games and their star signing, David Beckham, appeared in only a few games before being injured for the rest of the season.

So after a disastrous season like last year, you'd think they make some major changes in the team. Welp, they didn't, and it's showing.

Ok, they made some changes. They picked up Carlos Ruiz, who's 4 years past his prime. And they got a new coach, Ruud Gullit, one of the best players of the late 80's-early 90's.

But their biggest change was getting rid of Chris Albright, one of the best American defenders in the game. I don't know how they thought he was expendable. He had been with the Galaxy for 6 years and he was one of the most talented defenders in the MLS.

Well they got rid of them, and it's obvious they are missing him. The problem for the Galaxy lies in their defense, or lack thereof. The Galaxy's "star" player is Abel Xavier, who at age 35, should be playing on a 30-and-over men's league team in Oxnard, Ca. Xavier, who was kicked out of soccer for a year in England for testing positive for ANABOLIC STEROIDS, needs to be released, and quick. Unfortunately I couldn't find any video of Xavier getting beat for a goal, but trust me, it happens all the time.

The Galaxy have a goalscorer in Landon Donovan. They have a playmaker in David Beckham (even tho he plays on the right side, I'm going to label him as a playmaker for the Galaxy's sake). They need a defense and a holding midfielder, and they will be fine.

So until that happens, I am going to remain a Chivas USA fan. They are a much better team, with a proven coach (Preki), goalscorer (Razov), playmaking midfielder (Kljestan), defensive midfielder (Marsch), defender (Bornstein), and goalie (Guzan). They are stacked, and they are the best team in L.A.

But if you add in Posh Spice...well then I guess I prefer the Galaxy.

Best Movie of 2007

Hot Rod

Starring Andy Samberg, Will Arnett, Bill Hader, and the cute red head from "Wedding Crashers"

I think only 8 people saw this movie in theaters - I was one of the eight. And I saw it twice...And I'm not even embarrassed to say that.



It came out at the same time as "Superbad," so it lost a lot of movie goers because of that. Here's one of the great scenes from "Hot Rod."



Today I quoted "Hot Rod" in class. We were doing introductions to the class speaker and when it got to me, I said, "My name is Marcus, and I like to party." Three people laughed and I got a blank stare from the guest.

It was worth it.

RENT THE MOVIE 5/5

Dancing with the "Stars"

I'll admit it. I watch "Dancing with the Stars." It's quality entertainment. This year, I'm rooting for Jason Taylor. Want to know who I'm not rooting for?

Shannon Elizabeth and her partner, Derek. It's not that Shannon is bad. She's actually pretty good. It's Derek. His facial expressions...his constant groping...his stupid hair...and his bare-ass chest. I can't freaking stand Derek.



Every week he makes stupid faces into the camera like it's cute. Only it's not cute, because Derek looks like a freaking elf.



And every single week, he gropes the hell out of Shannon Elizabeth. Week in and week out. Derek must have found out that Shannon and her husband has filed for divorce - he's trying to sleaze his way in. He's like that guy at the frat parties who tries to be your girlfriend's best friend, so as soon as you and your girl get in a fight, he is there for comfort. Or in Derek's case, he is there for DANCE!

Here he is groping Kelly from 90210 last season. He must not have know she's married to the guy from FOX's short-lived masterpiece "Fastlane."




God, what a sleaze. He looks like a 5-foot-7-inch Keebler Elf. There's only one that upsets me more than Derek. And it's these guys.



I'll save them for another night.

Vegas baby. Vegas.

Some things that happened to me in Vegas this weekend:

- Not even 2 minutes after arriving at Mandalay Bay, the concierge asks me as I am carrying in my cooler full of beers, "You guys need something to go with that?" as he rubs his nose... Dude. The FREAKING CONCIERGE offers us coke before we can even step into the hotel. I would expect this at Barbary Coast, but not at Mandalay Bay. We tell the guy no and ask if that really just happened.

- I got drunk enough in the first 2 hours that I forgot to put money on UCLA. And after that, I was too lazy to walk 50 ft. to make up for it by putting money on UNC. Thank you God.

- I bought one of those huge cigars that only complete d-bags smoke in public. I lit it up and smoked it right in the middle of the pool. Yup, I was that guy.

- Drunkily walking through the casino, I put down $18 that I had in my pocket on black. The dealer counts it, and he tells me it's only $17 and he gets pissed. I tell him to f*ck off and spin the wheel. It lands on red. Not a good start.

- It's one of my friend's 21st birthday. My rationale is that if I give her the money to gamble and she loses it, then at least we lost it for a good cause. Well, we sat down at one of the hottest tables in the casino (i swear all my buddies were up at least $100), and we lost $60 in about 5 minutes. But I'm really not that mad - I was at the table long enough to get a 'free' beer.

- My roommate walks into the casino at 2am with this absolutely beat looking chick who looks about 30. So what do I do? I grab a camera and sprint to them. He sees me coming and grabs her and starts to power walk towards the door. My buddy Evo sees all this going down and cuts them off before they can leave. Digital camera: $250. Beer: $7. Money spent in blackjack: $95. Getting a picture of your roommate with a 30-year-old divorcee at 2 in the morning as he's trying to run away from you: ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS. I will post pic as soon as I can.

And that's not even the half of it. I have so much more, but what's the point? Every time I go to Vegas, something awesome happens. But that's how it is. I think it's impossible to go to Vegas and not have a story to tell people when you get home. Ya, I spent $250 in one night. Yes, I should be saving up money for London this summer. But I look at it like this - at least I got a free beer.

Giving props to my buddies

I played four years of soccer at Cal State Bakersfield. At the time, we were a Division II school (we went D-I my senior year) and we were one of the best teams in the nation my sophomore and senior years. Just because we were D-II didn't mean we had D-II quality players. As the national champions in 1997, CSUB was able to recruit the best players from California as well as players in Europe. In my four years there, I had the honor of playing with some really talented players.

The most talented player I have ever played with is Josh Wicks. He was a goalie. And he was an absolute freak. He was like 6'3", which is perfect goalie height. He was fearless, which is the most important trait for a goalie. And he was gifted. In practice, he would play without gloves on. He claimed it made his hands stronger.

He wasn't the best looking guy (I called him Seabiscuit) and he wasn't the smartest guy (he got a red card for punching a kid after he got scored on), but he was an absolute freak in goal. Where is he now?

Playing for the LA Galaxy. After spending 3 years playing in the A-League, he was signed a month ago to MLS's Los Angeles Galaxy. RIght now he is the backup, but trust me, it won't be long until we see him between the posts.

Another player I had the pleasure of playing alongside for four years was Lyle Martin. Lyle and I both came in as freshman in 2003. By 2007, he was the best forward in Division II. He scored something like 17 goals in 20 games. On our senior day, he scored 2 goals in front of the home crowd.

Lyle was the most skilled player, but he is the greatest athlete I've ever known. He was on the track team as well (400 meters in 47 seconds...), he was our best player on our intramural basketball team, and he was deceivingly good at poker. Oh, and I didnt mention that he is freaking ripped?



This is a pic of Lyle and I after he scored a goal on our senior day. He ripped off his shirt in jubilation, and I, not wanting to be outdone, ripped off mine and hugged him. We both got yellow cards. Best yellow card I ever received.

Lyle got drafted by Chivas USA of the MLS, but decided to go play in Vancouver to develop. He won Newcomer of the Year last year for the Whitecaps, and I guarantee he will be in the MLS in the next 2 years.

Anyways, on the Cal State Bakersfield Wikipedia page, there is a "Notable Alumni" section. Lyle was listed there, but there was no link to his Wikipedia page. So I added Lyle's wiki page to the page,
and I added Josh Wicks as well.


Before and after.

Oh and I also got rid of Kebu Stewart from the "Notable Alumni" section. Stewart averaged 20 points and 13 rebounds in his 2-year career at CSUB on the basketball team. He ended up getting drafted in 1997 by the Philadelphia 76ers, He played in 15 games for the 76ers in his rookie season, averaging 2.7 points. After his rookie season, he ended up playing overseas for a few teams, but he never played another game in the NBA.

In the scheme of things, perhaps I shouldn't have deleted Kebu from the list. While he isn't really "notable," he certainly is as deserving as Martin or Wicks to be on the list. I mean, playing in the NBA is a pretty big deal, even if it is for just 15 games.

Oh well. His mom can put him back up on the list later.

**EDIT**

After some serious soul-searching, I realized that I really had no right to take down Kebu Stewart. After some investigating, I found out that Stewart was a really great collegiate player. He was rated as one of the best rebounders in the country out of college, and many scouts predicted he would have a promising career.

While his NBA career might not have planned out, he was pretty successful in foreign leagues.



So I put Kebu back on the page.

I even linked him to his Wikipedia page. In the end, my conscience, and inability to fall asleep, got the best of me.


He's like my own personal Moonlight Graham!! I feel like Kevin Costner. Only I'm not a terrible actor.

The gym is overrated

Going to the gym is cool and everything, but it has its drawbacks too. I for one can't stand everyone looking in the mirror at themselves the entire time. And then there's always that guy who makes the weird grunting sounds when he's doing squats. And don't forget the overly-sweaty guy who doesn't have the courtesy to bring a towel. And the worst thing about going to the gym is that it takes effort. Ugh..I hate effort.

So I went out to find out why people really go to the gym.




So basically what I got out of that is the gym is a busy place. I think we would all prefer working out in the comfort of our home. Most people think you need a Bowflex or a weight set to work out properly.

But the truth is, you don't.

Let's take a look at the actors in the movie "300." These guys were ripped. Every single one of them. Even the 9-year-old kids in the movie were ripped. They didn't get there by pumping iron at the gym 24/7. They got there by doing many exercises you can do by yourself. Here's a look at their workout plan.



Ok I know we don't all have tractor tires and rings that we can work out with, but we can all do lunges, pushups, situps, and core exercises.

Here's a video of a bunch of exercises you can do without weights.


300 Spartan Workout Training. Home Version - Funny home videos are a click away

Here are some diagrams from a site of some exercises you can do without weights.

Biceps (Indian Pushup)







Triceps (Wide Decline Pushup)








Shoulders (Semi One-arm Pushups - It's like the previous execise, but when you go down, tilt to one side so only one shoulder touches the ground)





Ok...so there is one downside to all these execises - it takes longer than conventional weights to see results. But I look at it like this:

A normal, everyday, semi-lazy, semi-active gym goer goes to the gym 3 days a week. (That's me.)
I can do all these exercises in my apartment every single day. 7 days a week.

I'm not a nutritionist or personal trainer, but I am betting that if I work out everyday using nothing but body resistance, I would be just as toned, if not more so, than a dude who goes to the gym 2 or 3 times a week.

See, the secret is in protein shakes.



Cytosport's Muscle Milk is one of the more popular brands of protein. I think this is because they taste the best. But not all flavors are created equal.

Good flavors - **Cookies and Cream, Chocolate, Chocolate Peanut Butter, Mocha, Rocky Road
Bad flavors - Strawberry Banana, Pineapple Banana, Peach Mango

Basically, stay away from the fruit flavors. They are gross. Too fake.

But I'll tell you what's not fake - working out. It makes you feel good, makes you look good, and shows people that you care about yourself.

So now that you have all this new information, go to your bedroom, shut the door, turn on some Paula Abdul and start working out!