Nightmare Football

This season, its not called fantasy football. It's called Nightmare Football.

I had waited 8 months for fantasy football to come back. I was the two-time champion looking to defend my crown as champion. I have always considered myself a saavy fantasy coach. I was ready this year. I had done my research and looked to the draft eager to go.

And then the draft came - fifth pick overall. Top four RB's are already gone. Stephen Jackson, Portis, Gore - all still on the board. But who do I pick? The #1 fantasy scorer from last year, Mr. Tom Brady. Thank you Tom, for your 8 minutes of greatness this season. Fast forward to seven rounds later - I need a third receiver, and I just found the perfect one..... Nate Burleson, the only receiver left on the Seahawks. Burleson's first game of the season - 5 receptions for 60 yards and one TD. Then he goes and tears his ACL.



Two of my first eight picks are lost for the entire season. That's 25% of my top 8 picks rendered useless. I was left scrambling. I started making trade offers to everyone in my league.

I decided to put up my 4th round draft pick, Dallas Clark (I know what you're thinking...."Dallas Clark should not be a 4th round pick," but I stand by it. He is good for 10 TDs when he's healthy.) Somehow, I was able to trade Dallas Clark for Steve Smith. But I still had no quarterback. Right now, I am rocking John Kitna (sprained knee) and Carson Palmer (inexplicably missed last week's game, giving me ZERO points).

So it's coming up on week 5, and I am 0-4 on the season with a league low 174 points. My starting lineup?

Kitna/Palmer (whichever one is playing the worse opponent)
Maurice Drew (only one double digit scoring game this year)
Jamal Lewis (ditto - I'll be surprised if he breaks 100 yards in a game this year)
Santonio Holmes (for some reason Hines Ward is getting all the targets, especially in the red zone)
Jerrico Cotchery (probably my best player, even though he completely disappeared in half the games)
Steve Smith (I really hope last week is a sign of things to come)
John Carlson (The only receiver in Seattle - but he's a TE and now he's being double covered)
Giants D (I just traded for them [Matt Cassel and Anthony Fassano for Palmer and Giants D] and this will be their first week in action)
Ryan Longwell (Top 3 ranked kicked in the NFL. My best player is my kicker! Woo!)

My bench?
Sproles (I have been praying for LT to break an ankle)
Matt Jones (I should probably be starting him over Holmes)
Sammy Morris (The Patriots go-to back in the red zone...it's too bad they rarely are going to get there this year)
Bo Scaife (Actually a popular target considering he's a second-string TE on a running football team)
Patriots D and Broncos D (I know....three defenses on my team...what the hell am I thinking, right?)


So that's my team. I mean, they really aren't that bad on paper. My starting lineup is respectable. But none of them are performing. NONE of them. No consistency whatsoever. I haven't even cracked 70 points yet.

This is why it's not fantasy football - it's Nightmare Football. I don't even like Sundays anymore. I have NFL Season Ticket on Direct TV, but all it does is piss me off. I can't stand Hines Ward getting all the targets, or Darren Sproles getting 6 touches a game, or John Kitna throwing 3 INTs in garbage time. It is taking too much out of me. I am on the verge of quitting.



But writing this blog entry helped. Maybe I need to get away from sports for a while. I'm going to start blogging about other things. Too much stress in sports.

I hope all of you have better fantasy teams than me. And if you do (and I'm sure you all do), I don't want to hear about it. Only a month till NBA fantasy starts!

90210

When I was in 6th grade, my family hired a live-in nanny to help with me and my brothers. My mom was getting back to work so she needed someone to help out around the house. So we hired Simone. She was a red-headed German, probably in her late 20s, and she had an absolutely terrible, terrible lisp. She sounded like Tom from 'Tom and Jerry,' but if Tom had a German accent.



Anyways, Simone was obsessed with 90210. She had every episode on taped on VHS. Before Simone, I didn't know who Brian Austin Green was. But thanks to Simone, not only did I learn who Brian Austin Green was, but I wanted to be him. I'm not joking. I was fucking obsessed with Brian Austin Green. I thought he was the raddest, most badass dude on the show. Hell, I thought if he and Luke Perry got in a fight, that Green would kick his ass. Sounds ludicrous, right? I mean, Dylan was the biggest badass on the show, but here I am, thinking David Silver could beat the hell out of Dylan McKay.

So anyways, 90210 is back, and I'm watching. No surprise there. With the 'OC' off the air and 'The Hills' sucking dong, 90210 is my new guilty pleasure.

In the first 5 minutes of the season premiere, one of the dudes was getting down with some chick in front of school in the front seat of his car. So in the first five minutes, I knew it was going to be a helluva series.

So far, it's covered just about every plot twist imaginable - cheating couples, drug use, unknown children, the pressure to lose your virginity, overbearing mothers, baby daddy drama, rumors on the internet, adoption issues, and cheating on tests. I mean, it's all there.

And I am love. I have a new obsession. But this time, it's with a girl. Fitting, I know.



This is Silver. She is smoking hot. She's Brian Austin Green's step-sister on the show, so I guess that's fate or something.

But she is gorgeous. And on the show, she's a blogger. I'm a blogger too!

Need more fate? Listen to this -

Jessica Stroup (who plays Silver) looks just like Megan Fox.
Megan Fox is engaged to Brian Austin Green.

Fate is a funny thing....

THE DAY HAS COME!!!

I have been waiting for two months for something good enough to blog about. That day is today.

My beloved Lions have FINALLY parted ways with Matt Millen. After a 31-84 record and 8 miserable seasons, the anti-Christ has left the arena.

Millen may have the dubious honor of being the only GM to provoke chants of firing at not just Lions games, but Pistons, Red Wings, and U. of Michigan games. The chants "Fire Millen" could be heard in just about every area in Detroit. Hell, even the Detriot Shock have their 7 fans screaming to fire Millen.



Millen, who in his first three seasons failed to win any road games, became the GM with no managerial experience at all. That should have been the first red flag.

Joey Harrington......Charles Rogers.......Mike Williams ------- talk about first-round busts. They stuck with Harrington way too long. They made no big moves in the trade or free agent market. And don't even get me started on last season's epic collapse after starting 6-2 and finishing up the season 1-7.

And did any of you watch the Broncos game last weekend? Boss Bailey was all over the fucking field! In fact, he was the best Bailey on the field (better than his brother, Champ). How the hell did Millen let Bailey leave last year? What the fuck! He let our second-best linebacker just walk out the door.

So long Millen! I hope you tear your ACL walking to your car.