My love goes on

Last week I professed my love for Kristen Wiig. Here was my favorite sketch from the SNL a couple weeks ago, hosted by Christopher Walken.

As usual, Wiig stole the sketch.

Will Suns and Lakers fans shutup already?

Not even 18 hours after beating the Suns in game 5, the Spurs are already getting blasted for their tactic of fouling Shaq to send him to the free-throw line.

"It's an abomination" cried Mark Heisler of the LA Times. Abomination? Free throw shooting is part of the game! The Suns knew that Shaq was a terrible free-throw shooter when they traded for him. They knew that he had the possibility of being exploited at the free-throw line. And the Spurs, with one of the craftiest and smartest coaches in the league, took advantage of it.

Down big in both game 1 and game 2, the Spurs were able to claw back. Fouling Shaq and sending him to the line worked to keep the Suns high-powered offense at bay. If the Suns were smart, they would pull Shaq out of the game for 2-3 minuted stretches and get some momentum going. Leaving Shaq in the game is a huge liability. And hell, they could have even returned the favor. Duncan is only shooting 61% so far in the playoffs. Put that goon Brian Skinner in the game and make him foul Duncan before he can get a shot off.

Listen up Suns fans - I know you're tired of losing to the Spurs pretty much every single year. And every year, you make excuses for why you lost. (Last year's excuse: "Oh my God if they didnt suspend Stoudemire and Diaw last year we would totally have won...Robert Horry is so cheap he purposely shoved Nash and he should have been suspended for the series...Oh my God that rule where you cant leave the bench is so dumb they should get rid of it...BLAH BLAH BLAH")

Suns fans - you are the most whiny and annoying in the league, but I guess that happens after getting knocked out of the playoffs every single year. And let me give you a LEGITIMATE excuse for you why guys didn't beat the Spurs this year - HOW THE HELL DID YOU NOT FOUL GINOBILI IN GAME ONE!??! YOU FOUL HIM, HE TAKES TWO SHOTS, YOU GUYS ARE STILL UP ONE - GAME OVER!!!!

I think it's time for D'Antoni to go. He's had so many chances. The only thing he's really good at is getting technical fouls.

***EDIT: Only 20 minutes after publishing this post, ESPN reports that D'Antoni will not return to the Suns next year. Apparently Steve Kerr is reading my blog.

Final Project

Here is the link to a blog I made for my final project. It's probably the raddest website this side of the Mississippi.

http://lasportsfinal.blogspot.com/

My God, this Olympics is screwed!

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/04/28/china.train/index.html

oh and dont forget about this one!

http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/news/story?id=3370281

Seriously. This Olympics is screwed. The infrastructure there is already crowded enough as it is. The food there is not safe. The amount of protesters is going to be gigantic. This Olympics is going to be a complete mess. We could move the Olympics to Uzbekistan and have a better chance of it being successful than in China.

And the worse possible scenario in China??? The Soviets winning more medals than us. That, ladies and gentlemen, would be the end of the world.

I think I am in love with Kristen Wiig

Some people will say that Saturday Night Live started to suck after Will Ferrell, Chris Katan, Tim Meadows, and Tracy Morgan left the show. But I really feel the losses of Cheri Oteri, Molly Shannon, and Ana Gasteyer was the main reason the show started to go downhill. The three women brought more laughs than any other female actress in the history of the show, and they were just as crucial to the show as Ferrell and Katan.

Yes, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are good, but Fey stayed mostly behind the scenes (her best bit was Weekend Update) and Poehler simply couldn't do it all herself. I am not going to talk about Maya Rudolph, because I was never a fan of her. She overacted too much and I didn't really like any of her recurring characters.

So SNL started to lose viewers. They struggled to find a face for the show. None of the men were big enough names. The hosts struggled to succeed and be funny .Peyton Manning, Justin Timberlake, and Lindsay Lohan were some of the few hosts that had great shows. Here is the skit that put Manning on the comedy map.



The one highlight of the years before Wiig was the emergence of the SNL Digital Shorts. Here's the one that made put Digital Short's on the map.

Enter Wiig. She came out of nowhere. She wasn't even on the comedy map. She joined SNL in 2005 and since then has become the star of the show. Her recurring characters are the highlight of the show. Just last weekend, I swear she was in every single skit. She is without a doubt the most valuable actor on the show and everyone's favorite player.

Her most popular character is probably Penelope, a habitual liar.

Penelope Skit: SNL | Funny Jokes at JibJab

But my favorite of her characters is the Target Lady.


I also like her character as The Porch Sitter. Her and someone else sit on a porch and talk about life. It's kind of like Bill Brasky, but with a twist. Here's a transcript from one of the episodes.

Porch Sitter: You know what I'm going to use to fertilize my garden?
Husband: Your own poop?
Porch Sitter: [ smiles ] Yep!
[ they sip their coffee ]
Husband: Guess what Carl did for Janice's birthday this year.
Porch Sitter: What?
Husband: He hung himself in their garage.
Porch Sitter: [ chuckles ] And you say we have problems!
[ they chuckle together and sip their coffee ]
Husband: Mmm. I walked around with a piece of sliced ham in my pants for the past couple of days, just to have my own secret.
Porch Sitter: [ smiles at him ]
[ they sip their coffee ]
Porch Sitter: I enjoy coffee.
Husband: Me, too.
[ they sip their coffee ]
Porch Sitter: I'm thinking about buying a bunch of baby clothes to dress up all our plants.
Husband: I slow-danced with the dog today.
Porch Sitter: [ smiles ] I have a pig's vagina! [ a beat ] I love this porch.
Husband: Me, too.

Genius.

Ok so not only is Wiig hilarious, but she also pretty hot. I think she's the best looking actress to ever appear on SNL. If I were to make a list...
1) Wiig
2) Sarah Silverman
3) Tina Fey
4) Julia Louis Dreyfuss

Anyways, back to Wiig. I am in love with her. On top of SNL, she has made some memorable appearances in Knocked Up and The Brothers Solomon. I really only watch the show for a couple reasons - the Digital Shorts, Will Forte, and Wiig. That's pretty much it.

Thank you Kristen, for making me a fan again.

Galaxy stink up another one

The Galaxy lost today to Toronto FC today at the Home Depot Center by a score of 3-2. Losing at home is one thing. Losing at home to a second-year team that won only 6 of 30 games last year is pathetic.

Last year the Galaxy won only 9 games and their star signing, David Beckham, appeared in only a few games before being injured for the rest of the season.

So after a disastrous season like last year, you'd think they make some major changes in the team. Welp, they didn't, and it's showing.

Ok, they made some changes. They picked up Carlos Ruiz, who's 4 years past his prime. And they got a new coach, Ruud Gullit, one of the best players of the late 80's-early 90's.

But their biggest change was getting rid of Chris Albright, one of the best American defenders in the game. I don't know how they thought he was expendable. He had been with the Galaxy for 6 years and he was one of the most talented defenders in the MLS.

Well they got rid of them, and it's obvious they are missing him. The problem for the Galaxy lies in their defense, or lack thereof. The Galaxy's "star" player is Abel Xavier, who at age 35, should be playing on a 30-and-over men's league team in Oxnard, Ca. Xavier, who was kicked out of soccer for a year in England for testing positive for ANABOLIC STEROIDS, needs to be released, and quick. Unfortunately I couldn't find any video of Xavier getting beat for a goal, but trust me, it happens all the time.

The Galaxy have a goalscorer in Landon Donovan. They have a playmaker in David Beckham (even tho he plays on the right side, I'm going to label him as a playmaker for the Galaxy's sake). They need a defense and a holding midfielder, and they will be fine.

So until that happens, I am going to remain a Chivas USA fan. They are a much better team, with a proven coach (Preki), goalscorer (Razov), playmaking midfielder (Kljestan), defensive midfielder (Marsch), defender (Bornstein), and goalie (Guzan). They are stacked, and they are the best team in L.A.

But if you add in Posh Spice...well then I guess I prefer the Galaxy.

Best Movie of 2007

Hot Rod

Starring Andy Samberg, Will Arnett, Bill Hader, and the cute red head from "Wedding Crashers"

I think only 8 people saw this movie in theaters - I was one of the eight. And I saw it twice...And I'm not even embarrassed to say that.



It came out at the same time as "Superbad," so it lost a lot of movie goers because of that. Here's one of the great scenes from "Hot Rod."



Today I quoted "Hot Rod" in class. We were doing introductions to the class speaker and when it got to me, I said, "My name is Marcus, and I like to party." Three people laughed and I got a blank stare from the guest.

It was worth it.

RENT THE MOVIE 5/5

Dancing with the "Stars"

I'll admit it. I watch "Dancing with the Stars." It's quality entertainment. This year, I'm rooting for Jason Taylor. Want to know who I'm not rooting for?

Shannon Elizabeth and her partner, Derek. It's not that Shannon is bad. She's actually pretty good. It's Derek. His facial expressions...his constant groping...his stupid hair...and his bare-ass chest. I can't freaking stand Derek.



Every week he makes stupid faces into the camera like it's cute. Only it's not cute, because Derek looks like a freaking elf.



And every single week, he gropes the hell out of Shannon Elizabeth. Week in and week out. Derek must have found out that Shannon and her husband has filed for divorce - he's trying to sleaze his way in. He's like that guy at the frat parties who tries to be your girlfriend's best friend, so as soon as you and your girl get in a fight, he is there for comfort. Or in Derek's case, he is there for DANCE!

Here he is groping Kelly from 90210 last season. He must not have know she's married to the guy from FOX's short-lived masterpiece "Fastlane."




God, what a sleaze. He looks like a 5-foot-7-inch Keebler Elf. There's only one that upsets me more than Derek. And it's these guys.



I'll save them for another night.

Vegas baby. Vegas.

Some things that happened to me in Vegas this weekend:

- Not even 2 minutes after arriving at Mandalay Bay, the concierge asks me as I am carrying in my cooler full of beers, "You guys need something to go with that?" as he rubs his nose... Dude. The FREAKING CONCIERGE offers us coke before we can even step into the hotel. I would expect this at Barbary Coast, but not at Mandalay Bay. We tell the guy no and ask if that really just happened.

- I got drunk enough in the first 2 hours that I forgot to put money on UCLA. And after that, I was too lazy to walk 50 ft. to make up for it by putting money on UNC. Thank you God.

- I bought one of those huge cigars that only complete d-bags smoke in public. I lit it up and smoked it right in the middle of the pool. Yup, I was that guy.

- Drunkily walking through the casino, I put down $18 that I had in my pocket on black. The dealer counts it, and he tells me it's only $17 and he gets pissed. I tell him to f*ck off and spin the wheel. It lands on red. Not a good start.

- It's one of my friend's 21st birthday. My rationale is that if I give her the money to gamble and she loses it, then at least we lost it for a good cause. Well, we sat down at one of the hottest tables in the casino (i swear all my buddies were up at least $100), and we lost $60 in about 5 minutes. But I'm really not that mad - I was at the table long enough to get a 'free' beer.

- My roommate walks into the casino at 2am with this absolutely beat looking chick who looks about 30. So what do I do? I grab a camera and sprint to them. He sees me coming and grabs her and starts to power walk towards the door. My buddy Evo sees all this going down and cuts them off before they can leave. Digital camera: $250. Beer: $7. Money spent in blackjack: $95. Getting a picture of your roommate with a 30-year-old divorcee at 2 in the morning as he's trying to run away from you: ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS. I will post pic as soon as I can.

And that's not even the half of it. I have so much more, but what's the point? Every time I go to Vegas, something awesome happens. But that's how it is. I think it's impossible to go to Vegas and not have a story to tell people when you get home. Ya, I spent $250 in one night. Yes, I should be saving up money for London this summer. But I look at it like this - at least I got a free beer.