Great idea - poor execution

Did any of you guys here about the 2008 Free Kick Masters? No? It took place last week in Houston. Let me give a rundown of what it is.

Soccer's 'best' free kick takers and goalies in the world come to this event to vie for a $1 million prize. The format is single elimination - you go up against another shooter, and whoever scored more goals goes to the next round. You also get points for hitting the posts and crossbar, and the further away you are, the more points you get if you make it. I counted 16 free kick takers that took part in the competition and five goalies.

Shooters included Ronaldinho, Messi, Marquez, Borgetti, Pires, Jozy Altidore, Eddie Lewis, Palermo and other random players. Goalies included David James, Kasey Keller and Toldo. I mean, looking at the lineup, it doesn't look that bad, right?

Well, it was supposed to be much better. Fernando Torres, Lukas Podolski and Del Piero all dropped out before the competition. So instead of getting world-class players to fill their places, the organizers called Romario and Jorge Campos. Serious.


Romario and Jorge Campos are a combined 154 years old. All the shooters wanted to be going against Campos. "Ok Mr. Pires. Who do you want to shoot against...world-class goalkeeper David James, or over-the-hill, undersized, out-of-shape former MLS star Jorge Campos?"

That was the first thing wrong with the competition. The quality was half-assed. Messi...Ronaldinho...even Eddie Lewis - these are known, accomplished football players. Good job. But have you ever of Shen Shi, Subait Khater Fayel or Brad Davis? No! It's like the organizers got their headliners, and said to themselves, Great, we got Messi! Now let's go out there and sign up a bunch of nobodies!

They even had a spot open for a competition winner. That's right - a nobody won some competition for a right to compete for the $1 million prize. Would baseball ever let a competition winner into the home run derby? Would the NBA ever let a nobody into the three-point contest because they won a competition to get there? Hello no! Nobody wants to watch Joe Shmoe take free kicks. Who would you rather see? A 17-year-old nobody kid or a world class footballer? Not a tough decision.

Another reason this failed was the fact that it was in Houston. It's obvious why it was there. Houston isn't far from the Mexican border. The organizers invited three of Mexico's biggest stars to partake in the competition. Of the 30,000 in attendance, 20,000 were likely Mexicans. Organizers were probably afraid they couldn't fill seats in other American cities. But that is bullocks.

If they held it in NYC or LA, they would have gotten better participants (Why would Torres or Del Piero want to fly to Houston?) If they had better participants, more fans would come out. If they held it in a better city, more media would have come out. This competition has the potential to be something big. But in order for it to mean anything, the quality of participants must improve. Here's what they need to do:

1) Change the location. Have it in Los Angeles, NYC, or Miami. I wouldn't fly to Houston if they paid me. It's one of the worst cities in sports. As Bill Simmons said a few years back, the fact remains, you would never come here for any reason, other than these three: (1) For work. (2) To gain weight. (3) To get shot.

2) Increase the prize money. One million bucks really isn't that much nowadays. Especially to European players. They have to make the prize more appealing. The $1m is chump change to the Messes and Ronaldhinos, but it's quite appealing to the Romarios and Dwayne de Rosarios. They need to increase the prize money to put it out of reach for the average players.

3) Ask the top 30 free kick takers in the world. Even though Rafael Marquez won the competition, how many kicks does he take for Barcelona? That's right - none. Asking Marquez to the competition is like asking Chris Bosh to participate in the three-point contest. Bosh is a great player, but three pointers aren't exactly his thing. They need to ask the top free-kick specialists in the world, and after that, invite the big names.

4) Beckham. They NEED Beckham. How do you have a competition without Beckham. Hell, it could have been a goalkeeping competition, and Beckham is still necessary.

5) Change the uniforms. Whatever it was the players wore during the competition - they were HIDEOUS. They looked like the jersey I wore when I was 11 years old playing for the Lazers. It was hard enough watching an overweight Ronaldinho kick the ball into the wall over and over, but watching him in this gag-inducing jersey did not help. I have searched for 10 minutes trying to find one picture of the uniforms up close, but they do not exist.

6) If they are going to bring in veterans, bring in relevant ones. I don't care about Romario. He's ancient. Rivaldo would have been a better choice. Figo, Zidane, Shearer, Totti...these are guys they should be inviting.

7) Get some noteworthy sponsors. Get Nike to sponsor the uniforms, Gatorade to do refreshments and Ford to do transportation. This competition was so budget, I doubt any of the players will return for next year.

8) ESPN writer Jen Change wrote in this article that the scorekeeping was impossible to follow. Not even the players knew how many points they were getting. The audience and writers were lost. Make it easy to follow. Free kicks should be that confusing.

I looked at the list of people they invited, and I think I may have been a bit hard on the promoters. They had confirmations from Deco, Del Piero, Bentley, Juninho and Kewell. They also sent invites to Henry, Fabregas, Adebayor, Riquelme, Drogba, and Ibrihamovic. But I bet a big reason the players declined is because they found out the competition was in Houston.

Agent - "Hey Thierry, there's a free kick tournament for a million dollar prize. Want to take part?"
Henry - "Sure that sounds fun! Where is it?"
Agent - "It's in the United States!"
Henry - "Great! They love me over there! Great media coverage...what city? Los Angeles, New York...?"
Agent - "Uhm.....Houston...."
Henry - "The fuck? Oh, I just remembered, I am busy that weekend."

I think this tournament could work, but the format and quality of players is going to need to improve. The one and done format may not be the best. The fans came out to see Messi and Ronaldinho, and those two players didn't even advance. I would want to see more of those players. Give them another chance. Make it double elimination.

It will be interesting to see who participates next year. Perhaps players were fatigued from Euro taking place this summer. Looking at the way it panned out this year, there's nowhere to go but up.

Independence Day in London

From day one of being in London, I've been getting a whirlwind of shit from everyone here about being American. At work, they make fun of me for calling our boss 'gaffer' instead of 'gaffah'. At rugby, they make fun of me for shouting out directions, and when they mimic me, they sound like fucking cowboys.

So July 4th comes around, and the American bar (and I use the term 'American' loosely. The burgers are mediocre, the buffalo wings aren't spicy, and the nachos are nothing more than melted cheese on Doritos) is having a Independence Day party. Allright, I think, a night out with Americans!

I arrive at the bar at 10:30pm, and I couldn't believe what I saw.


The bar was packed. To the brim. Red, white, and blue balloons everywhere. American flags hanging from all the rafters. Streamers and confetti and Uncle Sam hats on everyone's heads. The Yankees and Red Sox were playing on tv, and Aretha Franklin was blaring from the speakers. Sounds awesome right? Well it was. But here's the funny thing -

No one there was American.

I mean, there were a couple. Maybe eight Americans out of the 80 people in the bar. But all these Brits, parading around, on MY Independence Day, having themselves a grand ol' time. They were singing American songs, eating American food, and watching American baseball.

Oh, and they drank all the Budweiser. That's right - by the time I got there, the Budweiser was completely tapped.

See, I think Independence Day to the Brits is like what St. Patrick's Day is to Americans. It's just an excuse to go out and drink. Whether or not you have any Irish heritage doesn't matter - we all go out wearing green to get absolutely plastered. Well, that's what the Brits were doing last night, but instead of wearing green, they were wrapping themselves in American flags and drinking Bud by the pitcher. This holiday, that actually means something to us Americans, is a novelty holiday to them.

The penultimate moment of the night? The entire bar, Brits and Americans alike,singing Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer' at the top of their lungs. I swear to God. I couldn't make this stuff up. It was like being in a frat house when a Journey song comes on - everyone just stops what they are doing and joins the song. The 'Grease' soundtrack followed. Then MC Hammer. Then Vanilla Ice. The bar kept singing and dancing for the next hour. It was unreal.

And before I knew it, the night was over.

Just another Independence Day for us.

Just another Friday night to them.

I guess I couldn't wait...

I stupidly ended my last blog post with the words, 'In N Out'. So what do you think the next thing I did was? Type 'In N Out' into google and see what popped up. Of course, the Wikipedia entry pops up and I spend 30 fucking minutes clicking on every picture and memorizing the 'secret menu'.

I couldn't handle it. Normally for my lunch breaks at work, I go to the basement and eat whatever the chef shit that morning. But not today. Today, I was on the quest for American cuisine. And how do you spell 'American cuisine' in England?

M-c-D-o-n-a-l-d-s.



Instead of my three-flight walk downstairs, I put on my jacket and headed out the front door to make the trek to food heaven. I got out the door and realized it was sunny and hot out. Shit, maybe I should turn around....What the hell am I thinking? I need to get to McDonalds.

Five blocks later, I arrived at the happiest place on Earth (if 'under Scarlett Johansson's shirt' didn't exist). I walked in to no line and three cashiers staring at me. I panicked. Holy crap. Which one do I go to? What the fuck do I order? Where's the dollar menu? Oh that's right, here they call it the Pound Saver menu...

After 24 minutes of staring at the menu, I walked up to the register, still having no idea what I was going to order.

I blurt out "Two double cheeseburgers. One small fry."

Uh-oh. What next? THINK MARCUS, THINK!!

"Chocolate milkshake."

She looks at her manager, looks back at me and says, "Sorry sir, the machine is..." and she makes the finger-slicing-the-throat gesture.

This almost sends me into an epileptic seizure. I look back at the menu. Two gentleman in suits are standing behind me. They look hungry. One is in a pink shirt and smells like lady's perfume. He'll probably order a salad. Pansy.

"McFlurry. Does that machine work?"

It does. And I am satisfied. It comes out to £4.85. Nevermind that £4.85 comes out to almost $10 American.

Needless to say, the meal is delicious. I waste no time, undressing the wrapper to the cheeseburger like I would a prom date in the car before dropping her off at her parents house after the party.

Halfway through my five walks back to work, it hits me. I'm reminded of how I never eat McDonalds. It's terrible stuff really. I have also had almost no dark meat since I have been in London. Oh crap. I don't think I am going to make it back to work....

Unfortunately, three stomach cramps later, I make it back to work.

I feel the burger in my stomach. Right now. As I'm typing this. It feels like I swallowed a ball of Play-Doh.

The thought of In N Out doesn't seem so appealing anymore.

I need a beer.

Stuff I can't wait to do when I get back to the motherland

I have been in London for 47 days, and I am over it. I am not over the city - in fact, I love the city. I would love to live here one day. The beer is plentiful, transportation is awesome, it doesn't get too hot, and food is everywhere.

See, I am over the situation. First off, I am living in a hostel, but we like to call it a halfway house. The hostel is also in Chelsea, which may be the most boring part of all London, not to mention the most expensive. I am also broke, and I have been nearly the whole time here. My internship (which is getting more and more boring) pays no money because I don't have a working visa.

To sum it up, you can only be living in a tiny hostel in an expensive foreign city with no income for so long. On day 50 - I have hit my limit. I am ready to go home.

The first thing I do when I get home? I haven't really made up my mind yet. The ideal thing to do would be to:

8am: wake up
9am: arrive at westwards, get a 4-hour session in a 4-6 ft SW swell with all my buddies
1:30pm: get a large breakfast burrito from Mama Lilly's
3pm: get home, play GTA4 and take a nap.
6pm: take my dog to the park and play catch
7pm: go to The Habit with my brothers, get a double charburger with cheese and a chocolate milkshake
8pm: watch discovery channel with my parents


Man. What a day. The next day, I would hit up In N Out, and I think after that, I would be fully submerged back into American culture.


God damn.....I really miss In N Out.

Maaaagette, Maggette, Maggette....

The latest news - the Spurs are going to make on offer to unhappy Clippers forward Corey Maggette. What would stop Maggette from saying 'yes'? The Spurs are contenders every year, Pop is one of the most respected coaches in the league, and Maggette would be surrounded by a cast of guys who are more than happy to share the ball. Maggette made a career-high in three pointers last year, and if he is filling in for Bruce Bowen, he will surpass that number.

I think this is an excellent fit. With Duncan, Parker, Manu and Maggette - oh man. I don't care how old they are, they combine for nearly 80 points per game. Please, pleeeeeeeeeeease let this happen.

The '92 Dream Team, '04 Stink Team, and '08 _____ team

In 1992, the United States basketball team, known around the world as the Dream Team, won by an average of 44 points per game en route to a gold medal at the Barcelona Summer Olympics. Twelve years later in 2004, the US team was upset and embarrassed, settling for a bronze medal in Athens. Now, in 2008, the US team will look to repeat what the ’92, ‘96’, and ’00 teams did – win the gold medal.

But it won’t be easy. Teams like Italy, Argentina, and Lithuania have shown they are world-class teams. While they don’t have the individual talent the US team possesses, they play like a team – something the 2004 US ‘stink team’ did not do.

In order to win the 2008 Olympics, the US team will have to return to their roots. With five players on the 2004 team returning for this summer’s Olympics, the Americans will have to change their game to be less like the 2004 team, and more like the Dream Team.

To see if the US has what it takes to make it all the way, lets compare the famed Dream Team, the doomed 2004 team, and the current Olympic squad.

Results
Dream Team: Gold medal, 8-0 record, won by average of 44 points
Stink team: Bronze medal, 5-3 record, won by average of 5 points
2008 team: In qualifying, 10-0 record, won by average of 40 points
Verdict: The US team has showed Dream Team-esque dominance through qualifying, but that doesn’t mean much. The ‘stink team’ won their qualifying games by an average of 31 points, but couldn’t replicate those results when it mattered in the Olympics.

Hall of Fame Factor
DT: Of the 12 players on the roster, five are already in the Hall of Fame and another six are certain to be when they become eligible. Never have so many great players been on the team at one time – ten of the 12 players were named to the 50 Greatest Players of All Time list in 1996.

ST: Individual talent couldn’t be to blame for the ’04 team. With arguably the greatest scoring point guard of all time in Allen Iverson and arguably the greatest power forward of all time in Tim Duncan, the team featured four other players who are locks for the Hall of Fame when their careers come to an end.
2008: The 2008 team is loaded with Hall of Fame-caliber players. Apart from Michael Redd, Chris Bosh, Carlos Boozer, and Tayshaun Prince, the remaining eight players have had or are showing potential for Hall of Fame careers.
Verdict: The Americans have an all-star cast of players for this year’s Olympics. But as the 2004 games showed, it doesn’t come down to individual talent.

Guards
DT: Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Clyde Drexler, John Stockton. Two prolific passers in Johnson and Stockton, one prolific scorer in Jordan, and one all-around stud in Drexler. They balanced each other out perfectly, and no matter which two were on the court, the US team was in good hands.
ST: Allen Iverson, Stephon Marbury, Dwayne Wade. Marbury was a cancer to the US team. In eight games, he averaged only 4 assists per game. Iverson and Wade were just as reluctant to share the ball. How can a football team expect to win with two center midfielders that don’t pass the ball? Basketball is the same way, and selecting these three to direct the US offense was a step in the wrong direction.
2008: Jason Kidd, Chris Paul, Deron Williams, Michael Redd, Wade, Kobe Bryant. With six players selected to play two positions, the Americans are in no shortage of guards. The three point guards are pass-first types of players, while the three shooting guards are a mix of a jump shooter (Redd), a slasher (Wade), and an all-around killer (Bryant).
Verdict: Kidd may be 38-0 in international competition and Paul may be the best point guard in the game, but the man running this offense should be Williams. The teams the US will face feature taller, more physical point guards. Paul is tiny and Kidd is a liability on the defensive end, but Williams has the physical stature to withstand the blows that come with international competition. Wade made the team again even though he can’t really pass the ball and he can’t take jump shots. But in bringing Redd, they are solving the problem they had in 2004 by not bringing any pure shooters. And while the trio of true point guards is a huge improvement over the 2004 team, they don’t even compare to the talent and balance the Dream Team showed.




Forwards
DT: Charles Barkley, Karl Malone, Larry Bird, Chris Mullin, Scottie Pippen, Christian Laettner. The perfect balance of offensive tenacity (Barkley), defensive prowess (Pippen), inside dominance (Malone), veteran leadership (Bird), three-point accuracy (Mullin) and youth (Laettner). You could not have selected six better guys to send to Barcelona.
ST: Carmelo Anthony, Richard Jefferson, Shawn Marion, Lamar Odom, Lebron James, Carlos Boozer, Amare Stoudemire. What a mess. Stoudemire and Anthony were utterly useless, combining to average a whopping 5.2 ppg. Jefferson was a forgettable selection, shooting 32% from the field. Odom shot an abysmal 52% from the free-throw line. The one bright spot was Boozer, who was able to play at his natural position of power forward (at Tim Duncan’s expense).
2008: Anthony, James, Tayshaun Prince. Anthony is expected to be the starting power forward. Yes, you read that correctly. Anthony, one of the NBA’s best shooters from outside the paint, is going to be starting in one of the most physical positions on the basketball court. Does manager Jerry Colangelo not want to win any offensive rebounds? James will start at small forward, which is his rightful position. Prince was the surprise selection, most likely picked for defensive purposes.
Verdict: These three players average under seven rebounds per game. If Anthony is truly going to play power forward, the Americans will have a tough time controlling the boards. This is going to put a lot of stress and added responsibility on whoever is playing center for Team USA.

Center
DT: David Robsinson, Patrick Ewing. What a novel idea – having two 7-footers playing center. Robinson and Ewing split time right down the middle, both averaging 9 ppg in the competition and combining for half of the team’s blocks. Having two true centers allowed Malone and Barkley to bang bodies down low while allowing Mullen and Pippen to get open for outside jumpers – the perfect frontcourt combination.

ST: Tim Duncan, Emeka Okofor. Duncan isn’t a center. Okafor isn’t a center. What the hell were these two doing playing center? Hell, Okafor wasn’t even in the NBA yet! Poor Duncan had so much weight to pull in 2004, he quickly declined an offer to play in these 2008 games. While Duncan did fine on the offensive end, being the only big man led Duncan into serious foul trouble. And with Duncan out of the game, the team got pounded on the boards, and you can’t expect to win a game if you can’t rebound.
2008: Dwight Howard, Chris Bosh, Boozer. Did US officials not learn anything from 2004? Howard is the only true center, but even then, he’s undersized. Boozer and Bosh are excellent players in the power forward slot, but when asked to play center, there is no way they will be utilised to their fullest playing potentials.
Verdict: None of the players on the roster are over 6’11”, meaning rebounds may be hard to come by in Beijing. For the US team to be successful, their big men have to stay out of foul trouble. But with a five-foul limit instead of the NBA standard six, this may be easier said than done.

Final Verdict
In 2004, the US team failed to bring a true point guard, a pure shooter, and a true center to Athens. They paid the price greatly. This year, they have certainly made up for two of those problems. But they still lack a 7-footer. In fact, the last time the US team brought a 7-footer to the Olympics, Jon Lovitz was still a household name.
If the US team wants to win, they have to work together. Take a look at these scoring averages at the last four Olympic games:
1992: 10 players averaged over 8 ppg
1996: 9 players averaged over 8 ppg
2000: 6 players averaged over 8 ppg
2004: 5 players averaged over 8 ppg
With guys like Kidd, Paul, and Williams distributing the ball, everyone will have an opportunity to score. But scoring isn’t what the US team needs to worry about. FIBA competition is especially physical, and if the Americans want to win, they have to be able to bang down low without getting into foul trouble. And with young guys like Howard and Bosh who don’t have a lot of international experience, I don’t see the US team going undefeated like the Dream Team did in 1992. But I also don’t see them settling for a bronze medal like they did in 2004.

Prediction
Gold medal. They may lose a game or two, but when they get to the semi-finals, they won’t come up short again. And when they make it to the championship game, they will know exactly what to do.

Gatlin (deservedly) given second chance

Disgraced United States champion sprinter Justin Gatlin was given a temporary restraining order on his four-year ban from the sport this week, meaning he may have a chance to defend his gold medal in Beijing. While it’s no guarantee he will make it to China, the idea of reinstating an athlete convicted of steroid use is a tough pill to swallow. But why? Is there no such thing a second chance in sports?

In prisons, inmates take part in various rehabilitation programs. They learn positive habits, earn a high school diploma, and even learn the art of yoga. If ruthless killers can master the ways of regulating their inner chi, why is it that disgraced athletes cannot be rehabbed to return to sport?

In this steroid era that seems to be plaguing the world of track and field, we are quick to shun athletes that are mentioned in the countless steroid allegations raised every week. Surely, an allegation means guilt, we tell ourselves. We’ve heard all the excuses, the ‘I’ve never knowingly taken anything’ and the ‘I didn’t know that was banned’ and even the ‘It must have been something in my toothpaste’.

So when it came to light that Gatlin had tested positive for steroids for the second time in 2006, it was time to write him off, right? Surely this man is a cheater. All it takes is one look at him and it’s obvious he must use steroids – he looks like he should be playing rugby, not running track. And this, being his second offence? Surely he must be a cheat! Off with his head!

But then it comes to light that his first offence was likely a mistake. Gatlin is one of tens of millions that suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). His medication contained amphetamines that led to him testing positive at a junior meet in 2001. He was suspended for two years, but reinstated after one. But because his medication contained a banned substance, this suspension should have never been enforced in the first place. In the U.S., Gatlin’s right to take medication is protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act – he cannot be punished for taking necessary medication.

So his suspension was reduced, and he was told a second violation would lead to a lifetime ban from the sport. This means Gatlin was under extremely watchful eyes. In the 2004 Sydney Olympics, he won the 100m and placed third in the 200m. In 2005, he won the 100m and 200m at the World Championships. He was clean, on top of the world, and without any reliance on banned substances. Then, one year later, he tested positive a banned substance, and was consequently written off by the track and field community.

But this clearly isn’t an open-and-shut case. Why would Gatlin be tempted to use banned substances when he knew one more violation would result in a lifetime ban? He was already under a very watchful eye. Surely he could not be so daft as to mettle with steroids when he was already one of the best in the world. But Gatlin is not the brightest tool in the shed. One of the first things he should have done was fire his coach, Trevor Graham. Eight of Graham’s athletes have tested positive for performance enhancing drugs. And it was Graham who famously told the press about Gatlin’s second positive test, ‘I know it was sabotage. I don’t think it was sabotage at all. I know it is.’ Graham laid blame on a mysterious cream that a therapist rubbed on Gatlin’s legs before the meet.

Facing a lifetime ban but citing the first offence as minor, the International Association of Athletics Federations banned him for eight years. They later reduced it to four. Gatlin was denied to have it reduced to two years this May, but now a judge has given him a break – his first break in two years.

I am in no way condoning cheating. Marion Jones? Lock her up. NBA referee Tim Donaghy, who admitted to fixing games to win bets? Lock him up and throw away the key. But Gatlin is different. His first suspension should never have occurred. This means his second positive test should have ended in a two-year suspension, not an eight-year ban. If he were given a two-year suspension, he would have been eligible to compete in next week’s U.S. Olympic trials. And while Graham’s allegations of sabotage seem outrages, Gatlin would be the last person to use banned substances considering he knew he was under a microscope.

So next week, Gatlin may be running at the U.S. trials. After a two-year fight to get back to the track, Gatlin has been given a chance. And don’t think that the U.S. is just going this is a ploy to win more medals – the American team already has Tyson Gay, who won three golds at the World Championships, and Gatlin has more critics than supporters.

But next week, he will have a chance. And why not? If prisoners can be rehabilitated to a return to the real world, why can’t athletes be rehabbed to return to the sports world? We must ask ourselves which is worse – a convicted killer being released after serving 25 years, or a convicted sprinter being allowed to return after two years? If cheating is frowned upon more than murder, what's to stop me from bringing a pistol to my next rugby game?